IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people get into debt by buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. What are the reasons for this behavior? What action can be taken to prevent from having this problem?

#people #debt #don’t #can’t #behavior #action
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It is true that
people
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 are placed in a hard economic situation via purchasing without considering either affordability or requirements.
While
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 some reasons regarding personal characteristics can be associated with
this
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 issue, to tackle
this
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 problem, educating
people
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 to buy logically should be taken into consideration. The main reason why
people
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 buy useless and expensive items is that they are likely to become more materialistic.
This
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 is because they can be bombarded with a variety of advertisements for luxurious items. In fact,
people
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 tend to have these costly objects for the role of model, which can mean that they belong to a wealthy class of society.
Moreover
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, as some
people
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 may serve as immature and irresponsible
people
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 in their personal lives, they can be easily tempted to purchase any item in markets without the logic and understanding of their financial situation,
thus
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 not considering their personal budget and requirements.
Consequently
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, it is possible that they are confronted with economic issues unless they are taught to manage their money.
Nevertheless
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, some approaches to aid these kinds of individuals can be taken into consideration.
Initially
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, as there is a close
connection
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the connection
show examples
 between parental upbringing and children's personality, individuals should learn how to handle the costs of living in their families, followed by a more reliable person in the shopping.
Furthermore
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, as teachers play a vital role in increasing knowledge of different topics, they can teach their students to assess the specific features of items in accordance with their needs, leading to more efficient selection without extra costs. Ultimately, with a great number of courses in educational institutions, officials can provide the community with training courses related to the economy to assist
people
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 in handling their income productively over a year. Ergo, they have the ability to list their priority in the shopping to avoid the waste of money. In conclusion,
although
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 advertisements may cause
people
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 aim to for luxuries rather than necessities, it is undeniable that they should be taught to spend their money by effective approaches, from parents during their childhood to university courses in their adulthood.
Submitted by ali.m.mohammdianb on

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task response
Expand on the reasons for people's tendency to buy things they don't need, with more specific examples and explanations.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that the essay follows a clear and logical structure, with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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