IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The education you recieve from your family is more important than the education you recieve from school. To what extent do you agree with this statement and why?

#education #recieve #school
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A lesson that I learned at
home
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 from my closest family
impacts
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impacted
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 my character development more than the education I got from
school
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. In
this
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 essay, I will explain why. The Learning process that took place at my
home
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 is fundamental in building my character.
That is
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 because of lessons that I learned at
home
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 dealt with basic yet important everyday problems that left a deep impact on my life.
For example
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, how my parents taught me to keep the toilet hygiene taught me to respect myself because the effort needed to keep it clean has a lot of benefits to my internal body's health.
As a result
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,
this
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 habit of
self- respect
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self-respect
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 was brought with me as I grew up, as a foundation of my
self- esteem
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self-esteem
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.
Furthermore
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, the
self- esteem
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self-esteem
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 that I acquired at
home
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 helped me to integrate with a broader community
such
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 as the community at
school
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 where I meet with more people from different backgrounds. It gave me confidence in my
value
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values
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 so I did not easily get lured into
others
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others'
other's
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 way of life, especially the destructive one that brings bad influences.
Such
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 as drug addiction, which some of the people that I knew as I was a teenager were involved in it. Luckily self- respect that I learned at
home
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 protected me from involvement with a community with bad influences.
To sum up
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, there was a fundamental lesson that I acquired from my family that could not be taught at
school
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. Even Though materials that
given
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are given
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 to us at
school
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 are important too,
but
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apply
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a good character is nurtured at
home
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.
Submitted by lekalexsteve on

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task response
Your essay shows a good understanding of the topic and provides a clear opinion. Make sure to support your points with specific examples and elaborate on your ideas further.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is clear, with an introduction and conclusion. Work on improving the coherence and cohesion by using transitional phrases to connect your ideas more effectively.
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