IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged . others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adult

#people #sense #competition #children #co-operate #adult
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
there are numerous
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 upbringing today's
children
Use synonyms
. talking about
competition
Use synonyms
 some people say it is good to encourage
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 rather than inculcate
coperation
Correct your spelling
cooperation
corporation
 in young minds to be
success
Replace the word
successful
show examples
 in adulthood as some folks
suggests
Change the verb form
suggest
show examples
.
this
Linking Words
 essay will include both of
these notion
Change the determiner
this notion
these notions
show examples
 and the opinion on the same. to embark, one of the paramount rationale that the sense of
competition
Use synonyms
 in
children
Use synonyms
 would bring up their determination and encourage them to succeed in future. as some humans think that the
cut throat
Correct your spelling
cutthroat
show examples
competition
Use synonyms
 can make an individual realise the value of it.
this
Linking Words
 is
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that during the time of contesting with their friends or other people
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the same age
group
Add a comma
group,
show examples
 people learn many valuable lessons. sportsmanship is one of the greatest
quality
Fix the agreement mistake
qualities
show examples
 that
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 have seen
personlly
Correct your spelling
personally
 being indulged in individuals. and the tendency to adjust and
Linking Words
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
think for the betterment of one own is
also
Linking Words
Replace the word
learned
show examples
learnt
Replace the word
learned
show examples
. in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 a sense of
neck to neck
Add a hyphen
neck-to-neck
show examples
competition
Use synonyms
 can teach many essential lessons in youngsters for life. despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
innumerbale
Correct your spelling
innumerable
 benefits of
competition
Use synonyms
 among
Use synonyms
children
Add a comma
children,
show examples
 few citizens believe that
co-operation
Correct your spelling
cooperation
show examples
 taught to the kids is far more useful to become a good adult.
this
Linking Words
intends
Verb problem
means
show examples
 that teaching co-operation in them can make their life even more
pleasantful
Correct your spelling
pleasant
 as a grownup.
juvenils
Correct your spelling
juveniles
juvenile
 who are taught
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 can adjust
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 any group and can
also
Linking Words
 understand the needs of others.
children
Use synonyms
 learning cooperation tend to perseve tolerance and respect for others which is a learning for
lifetime
Add an article
a lifetime
show examples
. in
coclusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
 it is prominent that both
competition
Use synonyms
 and cooperation
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 key for a child as he grows they will
defenitely
Correct your spelling
definitely
 teach them lessons and eventually make
the
Correct your spelling
them
show examples
 a proud human. it is the wish of their guardians
how
Rephrase
apply
show examples
to groom their child.
Submitted by insighttribez on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: