IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The older people who need employment have to compete with younger ones. What problems can this create? What are some solutions.

#people #employment #ones #create
Elderly
Correct article usage
The elderly
show examples
 have to rival
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
younger
people
 for
a
Remove the article
work
a job
show examples
work
.
This
 can cause the major issue
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
that older
people
 can not have much income, the best solution in
this
 case is that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 must pay more attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 elder
people
 and make some
work
 only for them. The problem can
be create
Change the verb form
be created
show examples
 is that
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 will earn enough
money
. Less income can make their life become poor and it will be too difficult for them and their family. They may not
be afford
Change the verb form
afford
show examples
 to pay
money
 for food or health and perhaps they have
child
Add an article
a child
show examples
 and they have to spend more
money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their child for education, their child
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to grow
in
Change preposition
up in
show examples
 bad condition, they are
illerate
Correct your spelling
illiterate
 and can commit a crime. Take
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 as
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 example, where
have
Wrong verb form
there is
show examples
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 rate of employment, a lot of old
people
loss
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 and become homeless. To
solved
Change the form of the verb
solve
show examples
 that problem, the
gorvernment
Correct your spelling
government
 must pay more attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 who can not compete with
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
 ones to be employed. They can create some
rule
Fix the agreement mistake
rules
show examples
 about stable
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 for
people
 or about
any thing
Correct your spelling
anything
show examples
relate
Change the form of the verb
related
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social insurance when they
loss
Replace the word
lose
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
work
. That can be
effectively
Replace the adverb
effective
show examples
, they can have some advantages when they
work
 for
company
Add an article
the company
a company
show examples
 for a long time and can not
fire
Wrong verb form
be fired
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
easily or when they
loss
Replace the word
lose
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
job
 they still have
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 income from
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 to continue their life. In conclusion, the competition for employment between older and younger
people
 can cause the issue that old
people
 can earn less
money
 and the government can solve
this
 by
create
Change the verb form
creating
show examples
rule
Fix the agreement mistake
rules
show examples
 about protecting their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 and
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Ageism
  • Generational divide
  • Technological advancements
  • Skills gap
  • Job scarcity
  • Industry preferences
  • Pension expenditure
  • Financial planning
  • Employability
  • Retraining programs
  • Upskilling opportunities
What to do next:
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