IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries, people are no longer allowed to smoke in many public places and office buildings. Do you think this is a good rule or a bad rule? Use specific reasons and details to support your position.

Nowadays, in most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
countries all over the world,
people
Use synonyms
 are no longer allowed to
smoke
Use synonyms
 in many public places and office buildings. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 is
a neither
Correct word order
neither a
show examples
 good
or
Correct word choice
nor
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bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
 rule, and
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to be reviewed. On one hand, we all know that smoking
is
Verb problem
apply
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slowly kills
people
Use synonyms
. Of course, it's unhealthy to
smoke
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, even for non-smoker person is dangerous to breath around smoking person, it's called passive smoking, and can be no less dangerous than active smoking. So I think when you can visit
public
Correct article usage
a public
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 place or
office
Correct article usage
an office
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 building without entering the cloud of
smog
Punctuation problem
smog,
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 it is great.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, modern laws and
restricrions
Correct your spelling
restrictions
 are very strict
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
smokers.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 there are
no
Rephrase
not
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 so
much
Fix the agreement mistake
many
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 places where you can legally
smoke
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
smoking
Wrong verb form
smoke
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 in the restricted zones, ignoring
laws
Correct article usage
the laws
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. I can't stand up for smoking
people
Use synonyms
, defending their bad habit
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, I can understand that
it
Verb problem
it's
show examples
 really hard to quit
this
Linking Words
. From my personal experience, when you're smoking, mostly you feel unhappy about
this
Linking Words
 and spending a lot of
moneys
Fix the agreement mistake
money
show examples
 on
this
Linking Words
 habit is really sad. So I think we need to motivate
people
Use synonyms
 to quit smoking more effectively rather than just
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not
allow doing
Wrong verb form
allowing them to do
show examples
this
Linking Words
 in public
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
. In conclusion, my opinion
very
Verb problem
is very
show examples
 unstable on
this
Linking Words
 topic. I prefer thinking that
Correct article usage
the distriction
show examples
distriction
Correct your spelling
restriction
 to
smoke
Use synonyms
 in public places and office buildings
are
Verb problem
is are
show examples
 good rule, which
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 some updates
according to
Linking Words
 changes in our life and more support for smokers to quit
this
Linking Words
 bad habit.

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task
Choose one side: say you agree or disagree with the rule and stick to it in all parts.
structure
Make a plan before you write so you have clear order.
coherence
Link ideas with simple phrases like but, also, however, therefore.
language
Check key spelling and fix easy mistakes to keep your meaning clear.
content
You mention both sides of the issue.
content
There is a clear attempt to show health facts about smoking.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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