IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many students find it difficult to concentrate or pay attention at school. What are the reasons? What could be done to solve this problem?

#students #attention #school
There are
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
show examples
 of
students
 that have difficulty in focusing at
school
. One of the reasons will be discussed in
this
 essay. Some of the problems when it comes to
students
 in
school
 are that
school
 is boring, there are a
lot
 of things to
remembers
Wrong verb form
remember
show examples
, and a
lot
 of exams. One
such
 problem is the difficulty of
school
. Most of the subjects in
school
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 are hard to concentrate on
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 with equations in math or
Phyiscs
Correct your spelling
physics
. The reason why it is a problem is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
this
 will
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 the
overall
 performance of
students
 in the present and future.
For instance
, if someone isn’t good when it comes to science subjects, they may not be able to choose science majors in
colleges
Fix the agreement mistake
college
show examples
.
Nevertheless
, there is a solution to
this
 which is, cooperating with
students
. Schools and teachers
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 can find ways to help
students
 who struggle to focus and identify the issue. In order to help them, schools can check their
students
 to the doctors and see what’s wrong and for teachers, they can find ways to make studying a little easier.
For example
, Some
Students
 might suffer from ADHD which can
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
students
’ performance. After that, these
students
 can start medications.
In addition
, other
students
 can learn methods to focus and encourage them to ask whenever there is something
isn’t
Correct pronoun usage
that isn’t
show examples
 clear to them. All in all,
School
 is difficult and there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a
lot
 of stuff to learn. Checking
students
 and helping can be very beneficial to them for their future.
Submitted by khalid_adel1 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • concentration
  • attention span
  • distractions
  • technology
  • boredom
  • tiredness
  • engagement
  • learning disabilities
  • teaching techniques
  • classroom size
  • family issues
  • health problems
  • motivational strategies
What to do next:
Look at other essays: