IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The table illustrates data about earnings of senior grade's tutors in states as Australia, Denmark, Luxembourg, Japan, Korea during 2009

The table illustrates data about earnings of senior grade's tutors in states as Australia, Denmark, Luxembourg, Japan, Korea during 2009
The above table compares the
renumeration
Correct your spelling
remuneration
show examples
 of secondary school teachers in 2009 based in Australia, Denmark, Luxembourg, Japan and Korea. We can conclude some interesting phenomenons from the above data
through
Change preposition
by
show examples
 comparing their salaries by looking into their initial salary, income after 15
years
Use synonyms
 of
services
Fix the agreement mistake
service
show examples
, the maximum payment and the
years
Use synonyms
 it takes to reach the top salary. Surprisingly, the
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
 countries do not necessarily offer the top
renumeration
Correct your spelling
remuneration
show examples
 package even though Luxembourg tutors received the highest return - no matter
they
Correct word choice
whether they
show examples
 were at the beginning of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
, 15
years
Use synonyms
workmanship
Change preposition
of workmanship
show examples
 or the salary ceiling. Tutors in Korea, Japan and Denmark followed respectively on the income ranking.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Australian teachers vice versa were rewarded with the lowest salaries. Other than the numerical return, the
years
Use synonyms
 it took to reach the top manifests a different trend. Denmark teachers were the fastest who hit the ceiling, it took them 8
years
Use synonyms
.
Meannwhile
Correct your spelling
Meanwhile
, it took 37
years
Use synonyms
 for the Japanese, making it the slowest out of all.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
location
Add an article
a location
the location
show examples
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
 the educators work
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
impacts their
prospect
Fix the agreement mistake
prospects
show examples
 greatly.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
▼
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words years with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "data" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • illustrates
  • earnings
  • senior grade tutors
  • data
  • Australia
  • Denmark
  • Luxembourg
  • Japan
  • Korea
  • comparison
  • different countries
  • table
  • values
  • differences
  • reasons
  • economic factors
  • local currencies
  • teaching profession
What to do next:
Look at other essays: