IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays,many people choose to be self-employed,rather than to work for a company or organisation.why might this be the case?what could be the disadvantage of being self-employed?

#people #work #company #organisation #be #case
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In the present time, many individuals want to start their own company,
although
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 a few decades ago the vast majority of people worked in companies. In the following essay, I will highlight some of the main reasons for
this
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 change, and I will
also
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 highlight the disadvantages of the new attitude.
To begin
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 with, there are a few main reasons why individuals might like to work for themselves. First of all, it gives them a grateful environment in which to showcase their skills,
such
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 as social ties.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that when individuals work for a corporation, they are only able to fulfil their job duties and are not given enough opportunity to develop additional skills or favourable preferences.
Furthermore
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, a lot of nations believe that working for yourself is better and that you may earn a lot more money that way. Stated differently, they contend that the firms deny them the opportunity to earn enough money to enable them to improve their living situations.
For example
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, a large number of workers are unable to purchase homes or cars.
Nonetheless
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, there could be a number of drawbacks to
this
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 kind of struggle. First and foremost, a lack of sense of fulfilment in terms of pay and perks may force some crowd to ultimately quit their companies.
While
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 a small percentage of society succeeds and advances in their careers, the bulk ought to give up, change careers, and even change their perspectives on the matter.
Additionally
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, it causes a person a great deal of stress and bad effects, and occasionally it prevents them from maintaining a task-life balance. To put it another way, a lot of large company employers find that they don't have enough time for their families.
To sum up
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, there are many facets to
this
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 kind of industry, so if someone wants to start one, they should think about a number of things in order to succeed.
Submitted by addaragelal on

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Task Response
While you explained many reasons why people choose to be self-employed and also pointed out some of its disadvantages, there was a lack of depth in explanation for each main point. Try to spend a bit more time exploring each idea with additional details or examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay had a clear structure, with an introduction, body and conclusion, which is good. However, there were a few places where the link between ideas was not as clear. In developing your next paragraph, try to link the idea back to the previous one or the overall angle. This will guide your reader through your argument.
Lexical Resource
Good work in demonstrating a wide vocabulary. Although there were a few instances of awkward phrasing or word choice, overall, your vocabulary usage added depth to your arguments.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy
Your essay showed a good range of grammatical structures. However, there were a few issues with tense and agreement which could be improved. In general, aim to revise and practice grammar rules to avoid making these mistakes.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-employment
  • freelancing
  • entrepreneurship
  • autonomy
  • financial stability
  • work-life balance
  • financial insecurity
  • lack of support
  • resources
  • long working hours
  • uncertain income
  • job security
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