IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Task one, you have seen an advertisement in an Australian magazine for someone to live with a family for six months and look after six years old child. Write a letter to the parent,in your letter Explain why you would like the job Give details of why you would be a suitable person to employ. Say how you would spend your free time while you are in Australia.

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Dear Sir, I am writing in response to the advertisement with regard to your
apeal
Correct your spelling
appeal
 for recruiting someone as a child nurse. I am a professional nurse with a degree certificate from one of the most reputable universities, and
heve
Wrong verb form
I've
show examples
 recently moved to your town for
living
Correct article usage
a living
show examples
;
Hence
Linking Words
, I have been looking for the exact same kind of job as you offered. Since, the major proportion of my working experience is in the field of
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 education, specifically of those aged between 4 to 6, I found
my self
Correct your spelling
myself
show examples
 a proper choice for
this
Linking Words
 post.
Additionally
Linking Words
, I have two younger siblings with whom I have an age gap of 8 and 10 years respectively, so I
also
Linking Words
 had been taken responsible for their education until the time I started my independent life as an adult. Despite my main career as a nurse, I have a great passion for
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
, so most of my leisure time is spent
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
visiting art galleries, going to concerts and watching movies in
cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema
show examples
 as well. That would give me an insight
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social matters, making me more compatible with the diversity in children's behaviour. With all the above-mentioned
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
, I hope you consider me as a suitable choice for the job position. I look forward to hearing from you, Yours faithfully, Tom
Shelbey
Correct your spelling
Shelby

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task achievement
Ensure that you address the reader by their proper title and name.
task achievement
Provide more specific details and examples to support your reasons for wanting the job.
task achievement
Explain how your skills and experience make you suitable for the role of a child nurse.
grammatical range and accuracy
Rephrase the sentence to correct the grammar: 'Hence, I have been looking for the exact same kind of job as you offered.'
task achievement
Provide more specific examples of how your passion for arts would benefit your role as a child nurse.
coherence cohesion
Use a more appropriate closing for a formal letter, such as 'Yours sincerely,' or 'Yours faithfully,'
task achievement
Expand on your response and provide more details about your leisure activities in Australia.
lexical resource
Use a variety of vocabulary and sentence structures to enhance the overall lexical resource.
grammatical range and accuracy
Proofread the letter to correct errors in spelling, grammar, and punctuation.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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