Wealth does not necessarily guarantee happiness. To what extent do you agree with this statement?
I believe that wealth does not guarantee happiness. It's common to think if you have a lot of cash in your bank account, the happier you will be.
In
some point yes, but it won'Change preposition
At
t
be enough.
Clearly, Use synonyms
money
is Use synonyms
really
Correct article usage
a really
imortant
aspect of our life. With Correct your spelling
important
them
you can buy a lot of stuff. Add a comma
them,
For example
, people who didn'Linking Words
t
grow up in families with enough Use synonyms
founds
, often feel Correct your spelling
funds
uncomfort
compared to others. Everyone can agree on that. Kids in school may be very violent to poor Correct your spelling
uncomfortable
one
. They walk around wolves eager to Correct pronoun usage
ones
attact
the sheap. And it`s all because the kid is different. If your wardrobe Correct your spelling
attract
attack
doesn'
Verb problem
isn't
t
stylish, if your dress doen'Use synonyms
t
new Use synonyms
and
etc., it may become the reason Correct word choice
apply
of
Change preposition
for
bulling
. It's not Correct your spelling
bullying
childrens
falls. They just repeat Correct your spelling
children's
children
patterns
of their parents. That's why we need to teach kids Correct article usage
the patterns
bein
kinder to someone who Verb problem
to be
different
or Add a missing verb
is different
don'
Correct subject-verb agreement
doesn't
t
have enough Use synonyms
money
.
On Use synonyms
other
side, we have examples of the Correct article usage
the other
most
richest Change the adjective
apply
peoples
who Fix the agreement mistake
people
wasn'
Change the verb form
weren't
t
happy. Most of them suffered from loneliness. Use synonyms
For example
, Marlyn Monroe. One of the most Linking Words
influencal
Correct your spelling
influential
woman
in the world. She was an Change to a plural noun
women
actrees
, Correct your spelling
actress
knowed
Correct your spelling
known
by
her flawless Change preposition
for
perfomance
in different movies from Correct your spelling
performance
Hollywood
Golden Age. Everybody knows her. Even now when we think about Correct article usage
the Hollywood
Hollywoods
stars who Change the noun form
Hollywood
comes
to Correct subject-verb agreement
come
your
mindCorrect pronoun usage
our
.
There was nobody like her. She had all eyes on her. Men were crazy about her. So why she Change the punctuation
?
decided
to end her lifeWrong verb form
decide
,
if she had so Remove the comma
apply
perfect
lifeCorrect article usage
a perfect
.
The Change the punctuation
?
answear
is easy. Correct your spelling
answer
This
woman wasn'Linking Words
t
happy. She suffered from some mental illness, like depression. In spite of the Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
therapy
thereapy
she still felt bad. Another important fact about her - the Add a comma
thereapy,
actrees
wanted to be a mother. Marlyn had Correct your spelling
actress
acces
to the best doctors in Correct your spelling
access
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
America
and it didn'Change preposition
of America
t
Use synonyms
helped
her. Some things you can'Change the verb form
help
t
buy for Use synonyms
money
.
In conclusion, what Use synonyms
the
point of having all Add a missing verb
is the
Use synonyms
money
if you Correct article usage
the money
alone
on Add a missing verb
are alone
the
topCorrect article usage
apply
.
Change the punctuation
?
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task response
Your essay addresses the topic and presents a clear viewpoint, which is great. However, try to develop your ideas more fully and elaborate on your examples to strengthen your argument. For instance, stating specific ways in which wealth fails to provide happiness can make your points more convincing.
coherence cohesion
You have a logical structure in your essay, but some paragraphs can be slightly disjointed. Ensure each paragraph flows smoothly to the next. Transition words and phrases can aid in creating a better flow. For example, 'On the other hand,' instead of 'On other side,' or 'As such,' instead of 'It's not childrens falls.'
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and relevant. However, the conclusion needs more depth; try to summarize your main points more clearly. You might want to end with a profound statement or rhetorical question to leave a lasting impression.
task response
Your examples are relevant and provide good support for your points. But make sure to address and correct any factual or grammatical inaccuracies. For instance, 'Marlyn Monroe' should be 'Marilyn Monroe,' and 'therapy' instead of 'theraphy.' Likewise, improve the readability by checking for typos and using appropriate tenses.
task response
Your essay provides a strong take on the statement and uses specific examples to back up your argument, which is commendable.
coherence cohesion
You introduce your essay topic clearly and provide a conclusion, which helps in framing your argument well.
coherence cohesion
You address complex sentence structures and provide a variety of sentences, making your essay engaging and informative.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.