Wealth does not necessarily guarantee happiness. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#wealth #guarantee #happiness

Nowadays, everyone wants to be happy. We find

happiness

in different things. They can be

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

health

peace

wealth

or good relationships with our relatives and friends. Some people believe that

wealth

makes us happy because we have

recource

Correct your spelling

resource

resources

and can afford everything

while

other

Fix the agreement mistake

others

show examples

argue

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apply

show examples

a different way. They claim that we can not buy

health

, relationships and

peace

. Personally, I agree

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

that

wealth

does not clearly guarantee

happiness

. First of all,

happiness

has a broad meaning for each of us. From my point of view,

happiness

is related to our internal values and goals. We experience

happiness

based on our needs and expectations. If our expectations and needs come true we indeed can experience a sense of

happiness

For instance

, these needs can be

such

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apply

show examples

good communication with friends or parents, that we may express our

fellings

Correct your spelling

feelings

show examples

to each other or it can

health

Add a missing verb

be health

show examples

that we recovered from a hard

dicease

Correct your spelling

disease

that we had before and so on.

Secondly

happiness

consists of different factors and attributes. I believe that the following factors are

Remove the article

apply

show examples

good

health

peace

country

Correct article usage

the country

show examples

and family

wellbeing

Correct your spelling

well-being

show examples

Wealth

is an attribute that allows us to support these factors but not replace them.

Wealth

can not replace

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apply

show examples

good

health

peace

country

Correct article usage

the country

show examples

and

wellbeing

Correct your spelling

well-being

show examples

family

Add an article

the family

show examples

. To support my point of view, a good example is that

wealth

can not replace family

wellbeing

Correct your spelling

well-being

show examples

once your parents are divorced. To summarise all mentioned above, I

deffinetly

Correct your spelling

definitely

agree with the statement that

wealth

does not necessarily guarantee human

happines

Correct your spelling

happiness

Wealth

is an attribute that supports

happiness

but it can not replace it.

Submitted by helgavitalivna on Wed Oct 25 2023

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task achievement

Be sure to directly address the essay question in your introduction. A clearer thesis statement summarizing your stance would strengthen your essay.

coherence cohesion

Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly and improve the overall flow of the essay.

task achievement

Although your essay includes examples, adding more detailed, specific examples to support your points would enhance your argument and make it more compelling.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

271 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Wealth does not necessarily guarantee happiness. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Fully explain your ideas

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