IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The line graph below shows US consumers' average annual expenditures on cell phone and residential phone services between 2001 and 2010.

The line graph below shows US consumers' average annual expenditures on cell phone and residential phone services between 2001 and 2010.
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The graph compares how much money was yearly spent on two kinds of
phone
Use synonyms
 services categorised into
cell
Use synonyms
phones
Use synonyms
 and residential
phones
Use synonyms
 by Americans over a 9-year period.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the expenditure on residential
phones
Use synonyms
 fell over the period shown,
while
Linking Words
cell
Use synonyms
phones
Use synonyms
 became by far more popular among American
phone
Use synonyms
 service users. In 2001, almost no one in the USA tended to use
cell
Use synonyms
phones
Use synonyms
 as a means of calling, compared to the nearly 700
dollars
Use synonyms
 they spent on residential
phone
Use synonyms
 services. Over the next 6 years, the average amount of money spent on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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cell
Use synonyms
phones
Use synonyms
 increased dramatically
while
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 amount for residential
phones
Use synonyms
 dropped. In early 2006, the same sum of money was expended for the reason of calling through both
cell
Use synonyms
 and residential
phones
Use synonyms
 being just over 500
dollars
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.
This
Linking Words
 amount for the
cell
Use synonyms
phone
Use synonyms
 continued to increase reaching around 750
dollars
Use synonyms
 by 2010
whereas
Linking Words
 residential users seemed to have a fall of nearly 150
dollars
Use synonyms
 to hardly 400$ in that year.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words phone, cell, phones, dollars with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fell" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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