IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Competitiveness is considered a good quality in most societies nowadays. How does it affect individuals? Do you think this is positive or negative development?

#competitiveness #quality #societies #individuals #development
The modern
Correct article usage
Modern
show examples
 society comprises of progressing contributions of many great individuals. One of the reasons for
this
 expansion is the competitive human nature. In my opinion, being competitive has a vital influence on many people’s lives, which can be both beneficial and harmful in certain affairs. The merciless
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 of the clan has paralyzed the social
life
 of humans. People pay more attention to their future than the
life
 they are currently living in. Youth is sacrificing their enjoyment for the sake of a career. Irrefutably,
balanced
Correct article usage
a balanced
show examples
life
 in all disciplines can bring happiness to civilization. The population should work hard to muster their desires but not at the cost of their substantial well-being. Ambitious individuals are conceited
as a result
, the people around them,
such
 as at workplaces and other private matters can come into conflict for any matter since they have a tendency
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
not to show any compromising attitude towards them.
Moreover
, too much competition means creating an uncomfortable situation in job places, since aggressive person always tries to portray their haughtiness in their work at offices
instead
 of cordial nature towards colleagues. A vying environment can either inspire a person or daunt him. A student can opt to learn actively or passively in a contentious condition, depending on how they consider their future. If they are thinking in a pessimistic way, they might be accepting the situation and do nothing valuable to create a revolution.
Therefore
, the power of competitiveness on an individual can vary, in obedience to the genre of a person. In conclusion, competition guides people in various ways though, I strongly believe that
instead
 of eluding it, we should seize it with proper accordance. Only in
this
 way, we can live our
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
show examples
life
 without any severe consequences
due to
 excessive competitiveness.
Submitted by planklastin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: