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Band 3.5

When a new town is planned, it is more important to develop public parks and sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their free time in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#town #parks #sports #facilities #centers #people #time
‏It’s argued that developing public
activities
such
 as parks and
sports
 arenas is more important than developing shopping malls, I totally agree with
this
, In
this
 essay I will examine the reasons that support my opinion ‏
Firstly
, outdoor places
such
 as parks and
sports
complex
Fix the agreement mistake
complexes
show examples
 are more essential and important,
Moreover
,outdoor public parks and
sports
 have many opportunities that people gain from like running, walking and socializing with others, doing
sports
activities
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 many benefits for both physical and mental health,
for instance
, children going out with their parents on a picnic at the park and having a quality time together at an outdoor place
this
 will benefit them mentally and physically.
Secondly
, shopping
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 aren’t necessary as public
activities
, it’s just a waste of money when it comes to shopping trends that teenagers follow
due to
 marketing strategies and
as a result
 there will be
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 lack of important
activities
 because people will spend their whole time shopping,
For example
, teenagers nowadays spend their time and money just to follow the trend.
Finally
, I opine to develop outdoor
activities
 rather than shopping malls. Obviously,it has useful effects
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 human life
Submitted by noor23.hamza23 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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