Some children spend hours every day on their Smartphone. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#children #hours #smartphone #case #development

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In contemporary society,

progressing

Replace the word

progress

show examples

in technology and

accessing

Replace the word

access

show examples

to the internet have facilitated

utilizing

Replace the word

the utilisation of

show examples

novel devices

such

Linking Words

as Smartphones or laptops

Change preposition

for

show examples

all age groups. Among these, excessive use of

phones

Use synonyms

children

Use synonyms

has become a substantial problem in the world

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

this

Linking Words

essay I will delve into the causes of

this

Linking Words

issue and explain its adverse effects. To commence with, I believe that parents and educational systems are to blame the most for the excessive use of cell

phones

Use synonyms

children

Use synonyms

In other words

Linking Words

, providing

such

Linking Words

devices from childhood by lenient parents in order to entertain their

children

Use synonyms

and extracurricular applications that are designed for

children

Use synonyms

have exaggerated their use of

these stuff

Change the determiner

this stuff

show examples

. To illustrate

this

Linking Words

, nowadays using

phones

Use synonyms

in schools has become

epidemic

Correct article usage

an epidemic

show examples

, which was even illegal a few years ago at schools.

As a result

Linking Words

, exaggerating

this

Linking Words

phenomenon and hazardous consequences in the near future would not be unpredictable.

Although

Linking Words

using cell

phones

Use synonyms

broaden

Correct subject-verb agreement

broadens

show examples

children

Use synonyms

’s horizons and acquainting them with the latest innovations all over the world, it would not compensate

the

Change preposition

for the

show examples

hazardous effects. By continuing

this

Linking Words

process,

children

Use synonyms

will deliberately or by accident get accustomed to

waste

Wrong verb form

wasting

show examples

their valuable time and energy.

For instance

Linking Words

, these days a large number of

children

Use synonyms

spent

Wrong verb form

spend

show examples

hours

Change preposition

apply

show examples

playing apparently attractive games,

Linking Words

Correct word choice

and as

show examples

result

Add the comma(s)

result,

show examples

various physical and mental illnesses

would be

Verb problem

are

show examples

inevitable

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

them

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

. In conclusion, I believe that convenient access to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

technology and the internet have accelerated

using

Wrong verb form

the use of

show examples

cell

phones

Use synonyms

especially

Add the comma(s)

, especially

show examples

younger

Add an article

the younger

a younger

show examples

generation, which will cause irreparable

damages

Fix the agreement mistake

damage

show examples

in their future life. To prevent the upcoming troubles, parents and governments could play a crucial role in addressing these issues.

Submitted by golriiz23 on Thu Oct 26 2023

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task response

Ensure that the essay directly addresses all parts of the prompt, including the causes of excessive cellphone use by children and its positive or negative development. Discuss the causes more explicitly and offer a balanced view on the positive and negative effects.

coherence and cohesion

The logical structure of the essay is generally clear with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, work on creating smoother transitions between ideas and ensure that the supporting points are well-developed and connected to the thesis.

lexical resource

Expand your range of vocabulary to add more variety and depth to your essay. Use more sophisticated words and phrases to express ideas and arguments.

grammatical range

While your essay demonstrates a good command of grammar, try to incorporate a wider range of sentence structures and complex grammatical constructions. This will add sophistication and variety to your writing.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

274 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Engrossed
Distracted
Addictive
Digital natives
Virtual reality
Interactive
Online gaming
Social media platforms
Connectivity
Social engagement
Information access
Learning tools
Peer influence
Societal pressure
Alternative activities
Recreational facilities

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Some children spend hours every day on their Smartphone. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Some people believe that employee should be hire with interviews. Other says that other types of method are better. Discuss both the views and give your opinion

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that universities should not provide so much theoretical knowledge but give more practical training throughout their courses. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In many places, people’s lifestyles are changing rapidly, and this aﬀects family relationships. Do you think the advantages of such developments outweigh the disadvantages?