Some children spend hours every day on their Smartphone. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
In contemporary society,
progressing
in technology and Replace the word
progress
accessing
to the internet have facilitated Replace the word
access
utilizing
novel devices Replace the word
the utilisation of
such
as Smartphones or laptops to
all age groups. Among these, excessive use of Change preposition
for
phones
by children
has become a substantial problem in the world that
in Correct word choice
apply
this
essay I will delve into the causes of this
issue and explain its adverse effects.
To commence with, I believe that parents and educational systems are to blame the most for the excessive use of cell phones
by children
. In other words
, providing such
devices from childhood by lenient parents in order to entertain their children
and extracurricular applications that are designed for children
have exaggerated their use of these stuff
. To illustrate Change the determiner
this stuff
this
, nowadays using phones
in schools has become epidemic
, which was even illegal a few years ago at schools. Correct article usage
an epidemic
As a result
, exaggerating this
phenomenon and hazardous consequences in the near future would not be unpredictable.
Although
using cell phones
broaden
Correct subject-verb agreement
broadens
children
’s horizons and acquainting them with the latest innovations all over the world, it would not compensate the
hazardous effects. By continuing Change preposition
for the
this
process, children
will deliberately or by accident get accustomed to waste
their valuable time and energy. Wrong verb form
wasting
For instance
, these days a large number of children
spent
hours Wrong verb form
spend
in
playing apparently attractive games, Change preposition
apply
as
a Correct word choice
and as
result
various physical and mental illnesses Add the comma(s)
result,
would be
inevitable Verb problem
are
for
Change preposition
apply
them
.
In conclusion, I believe that convenient access to Correct pronoun usage
apply
the
technology and the internet have accelerated Correct article usage
apply
using
cell Wrong verb form
the use of
phones
especially
by Add the comma(s)
, especially
younger
generation, which will cause irreparable Add an article
the younger
a younger
damages
in their future life. To prevent the upcoming troubles, parents and governments could play a crucial role in addressing these issues.Fix the agreement mistake
damage
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task response
Ensure that the essay directly addresses all parts of the prompt, including the causes of excessive cellphone use by children and its positive or negative development. Discuss the causes more explicitly and offer a balanced view on the positive and negative effects.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally clear with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, work on creating smoother transitions between ideas and ensure that the supporting points are well-developed and connected to the thesis.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to add more variety and depth to your essay. Use more sophisticated words and phrases to express ideas and arguments.
grammatical range
While your essay demonstrates a good command of grammar, try to incorporate a wider range of sentence structures and complex grammatical constructions. This will add sophistication and variety to your writing.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite