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Band 5.5

Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #aim #university #education #graduates #jobs #individuals #society
From
perspective
Add an article
the perspective
show examples
 of some people,
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
education
 can solely widen job opportunities for graduates. Others,
however
, hold the view that
university
education
 brings about plenty of
benefits
 for
students
. In my book, I am in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of the latter opinion
due to
 several reasons
such
 as in-depth and professional horizons or wide social circle in terms of career. On the one hand, it is undisputable that the curriculums of
university
 are really academic,
intellectual
Correct word choice
and intellectual
show examples
 and request from undergraduates a wide range of distinct
knowledge
.
As a result
, a large number of
students
drops
Correct subject-verb agreement
drop
show examples
 out of school or cover a lot of ground to learn from scratch. In doing so
students
 can work straight to earn a living and have a piggy bank for the rainy day.
During undergraduates
Change preposition
Undergraduates
show examples
 are struggling with harsh curriculums with
sole
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the sole
a sole
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 aim is
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 a degree to work in a big firm, all
students
, who choose
having
Change the verb form
to have
show examples
 a gap year and
finding
Wrong verb form
find
show examples
 a durable job, possess four to five years of experience. The advantages of
Correct article usage
a bachelor
show examples
bachelor
Change noun form
bachelor's
show examples
 degree cannot outweigh the
benefits
 of real-life experience and vital skills from working sooner.
On the other hand
,
although
aforementioned
Correct article usage
the aforementioned
show examples
 disadvantageous aspects of
university
education
 and
benefits
 of working early, the concept of specialized
knowledge
 construct a strong base for all undergraduates to prepare for higher
education
 or even job position. Higher
education
 can broaden
in-depth
Add an article
the in-depth
show examples
 horizon of your profession.
Furthermore
, a qualification cannot only enhance your employment prospects with optimal incomes but
also
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the evidence of your in-depth major.
In addition
, whilst studying in
university
, you may have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
plenty of chances to interact with many
out-standing
Correct your spelling
outstanding
show examples
 peers, who have the same major and have enough or
further
knowledge
 to discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
your obstruction or even promote your ability. In doing so, the expansion of your social circle in your specialized yield is inevitable. In conclusion,
although
 working straight seems to vary your experiences and vital skills, the
benefits
 of
university
education
 outweigh its difficulties in terms of in-depth
knowledge
, professional social circle even prospects of future career.
Submitted by phongnguyenthanh630 on

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task response
Make sure to clearly address all parts of the essay prompt and maintain a consistent focus throughout your essay.
coherence cohesion
Improve the organization of your essay by using clear topic sentences and logical transitions between paragraphs.
lexical resource
Enhance your vocabulary and use a wider range of words and phrases to express your ideas.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structures, avoid repetitive language, and use a variety of grammatical structures.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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