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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #aim #university #education #graduates #jobs #individuals #society
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From
perspective
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the perspective
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 of some people,
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university
Correct article usage
a university
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education
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 can solely widen job opportunities for graduates. Others,
however
Linking Words
, hold the view that
university
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education
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 brings about plenty of
benefits
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 for
students
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. In my book, I am in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
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 of the latter opinion
due to
Linking Words
 several reasons
such
Linking Words
 as in-depth and professional horizons or wide social circle in terms of career. On the one hand, it is undisputable that the curriculums of
university
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 are really academic,
intellectual
Correct word choice
and intellectual
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 and request from undergraduates a wide range of distinct
knowledge
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.
As a result
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, a large number of
students
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drops
Correct subject-verb agreement
drop
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 out of school or cover a lot of ground to learn from scratch. In doing so
students
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 can work straight to earn a living and have a piggy bank for the rainy day.
During undergraduates
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Undergraduates
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 are struggling with harsh curriculums with
sole
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the sole
a sole
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 aim is
have
Wrong verb form
having
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 a degree to work in a big firm, all
students
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, who choose
having
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to have
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 a gap year and
finding
Wrong verb form
find
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 a durable job, possess four to five years of experience. The advantages of
Correct article usage
a bachelor
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bachelor
Change noun form
bachelor's
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 degree cannot outweigh the
benefits
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 of real-life experience and vital skills from working sooner.
On the other hand
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,
although
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aforementioned
Correct article usage
the aforementioned
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 disadvantageous aspects of
university
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education
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 and
benefits
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 of working early, the concept of specialized
knowledge
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 construct a strong base for all undergraduates to prepare for higher
education
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 or even job position. Higher
education
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 can broaden
in-depth
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the in-depth
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 horizon of your profession.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, a qualification cannot only enhance your employment prospects with optimal incomes but
also
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is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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the evidence of your in-depth major.
In addition
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, whilst studying in
university
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, you may have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
plenty of chances to interact with many
out-standing
Correct your spelling
outstanding
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 peers, who have the same major and have enough or
further
Linking Words
knowledge
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 to discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
your obstruction or even promote your ability. In doing so, the expansion of your social circle in your specialized yield is inevitable. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 working straight seems to vary your experiences and vital skills, the
benefits
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 of
university
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education
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 outweigh its difficulties in terms of in-depth
knowledge
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, professional social circle even prospects of future career.
Submitted by phongnguyenthanh630 on

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task response
Make sure to clearly address all parts of the essay prompt and maintain a consistent focus throughout your essay.
coherence cohesion
Improve the organization of your essay by using clear topic sentences and logical transitions between paragraphs.
lexical resource
Enhance your vocabulary and use a wider range of words and phrases to express your ideas.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structures, avoid repetitive language, and use a variety of grammatical structures.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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