Nowadays, we can watch entertainment performance on the screen and no need to watch it live. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Today, as
technologes
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technologies
technology
are being developed, we can watch many
stars
perform without directly going to a stage
Rephrase
where that
show examples
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
performance is ongoing
on
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apply
show examples
.
However
, even
this
Correct word choice
though this
show examples
allows us to enjoy shows in our
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
, that does not mean
the
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apply
show examples
watching shows on the spot is no longer
neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
. There are some reasons why
people
are still
enthusiatic
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enthusiastic
to
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about
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going to a
concert
, musical, stand-up comedy and so on. I firmly believe that seeing performances that
people
want to enjoy has
advantigeous
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advantageous
advantages
even though they can see them on the screen
conviniently
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conveniently
.
To begin
with, being in a show as an audience gives them unforgettable memories
about
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of
show examples
shows they watched and would have been conducted in front of their eyes. First, I would like to ask
people
if they have been to a
concert
holding a
fanclub
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fan club
light and wearing
dresscoad
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dress code
which all audiences would get on
too
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to
show examples
. If they have, I am
on
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of
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the opinion that they will not forget the voices and dance of singers they have listened
and
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to and
show examples
seen in that place. Because songs from televisions or smartphones'
speaker
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speakers
show examples
are totally felt differently
form
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from
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those of mics which
stars
would wear. The feeling that I am with them and I am listening to their voices in reality makes
people
more passionate
for
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about
show examples
real shows. That's why popular singers'
concert
ticket
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tickets
show examples
are booked up so
quikely
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quickly
as many
people
want to go.
Also
, they can feel
special
Add an article
a special
show examples
bond with the
people
who love
same
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the same
show examples
artists, which we call fans.
Imagin
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Imagine
show examples
the hit
which
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apply
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of fans who gather in
a
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the
show examples
same mind
which
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and
show examples
cheer a person who will perform on the stage. A huge community that
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
immedietly
Correct your spelling
immediately
formulated at the place shares
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with them
show examples
them
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the
show examples
a
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apply
show examples
power of
scrimming
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scrimmaging
or dancing in an
excite
Replace the word
excitement
show examples
.
In other words
,
surrounding
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by surrounding
show examples
other but
same
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the same
show examples
people
, they can cheer their
stars
much more gladly. The fact that they become one for a reason why they merely like
a
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the
show examples
same
performancer
Correct your spelling
performer
reminds us how easily
people
get closer
each
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to each
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other.
Thus
, a lot of
people
or fans go to a
concert
to feel
particular
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a particular
show examples
connection which wires them.
To sum up
, live shows are still crucial for many
people
who enjoy a show genuinely.
Becase
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Because
they cannot give
it
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apply
show examples
up
to hear
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on hearing
show examples
voices from their
stars
in reality which are never
same
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the same
show examples
to
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as
show examples
auditary sound and they will meet
people
who are in love with their artists too and cheer them together feeling a special connection.
Submitted by kylarara on

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task response
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coherence cohesion
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lexical resource
Vary your vocabulary and use more precise and sophisticated language.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar. Try to use a wider range of sentence types.

Fully explain your ideas

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • convenience
  • accessibility
  • variety
  • engaging
  • real-time
  • performing arts
  • interaction
  • emotional connection
  • spontaneity
  • authenticity
  • immersive
  • sensory experience
  • virtual reality
  • audience participation
  • curated
  • cultural heritage
  • relevance
  • social interaction
  • public opinion
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