These days many children spend a lot of time playing video games and many parents feel this is very negative. Do you agree or disagree?

this

Linking Words

advanced technological era, human beings are fully dependent on machines whether work-related

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

studying or playing

games

Use synonyms

. It is seen that

children

Use synonyms

specifically are heavily engaged in playing video

games

Use synonyms

on their phones

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

tablets or computers for a long period of

time

Use synonyms

Consequently

Linking Words

parents

Use synonyms

this

Linking Words

generation are very concerned about their

children

Use synonyms

health

Use synonyms

and

future

Use synonyms

. In my opinion, spending a heavy amount of

time

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playing video

games

Use synonyms

will not bring fruitful results for them considering their

health

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and

future

Use synonyms

aspects of life. In

this

Linking Words

modern era, acquiring a mobile phone is a nimble option for

this

Linking Words

generation. As

children

Use synonyms

are very dependent on gadgets for their education

purpose

Fix the agreement mistake

purposes

show examples

as well, it has become a challenge for

parents

Use synonyms

to keep their

children

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away from engaging in mobile phones.

Hence

Linking Words

, the repercussions are huge in terms of

health

Use synonyms

Children

Use synonyms

nowadays always stay at home chatting on their

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

with unknown people.

As a consequence

Linking Words

, they don't physically communicate with people and don't go out to play any

sports

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or learn some extracurricular

activities

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etc. They are much more prone to live a sedentary lifestyle.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, engaging in gadgets all the

time

Use synonyms

is making them isolated as a person. Obesity, fatigue etc. has become a common

health

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issue among today's

children

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Parents

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are very concerned about

such

Linking Words

health

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problems.

This

Linking Words

is a humongous roadblock towards the well-being of

children

Use synonyms

and

future

Use synonyms

generations. As a suggestion,

Parents

Use synonyms

should monitor their young ones' habits on a daily basis and put a limit on mobile usage. Governments

also

Linking Words

should take part and introduce more

sports

Use synonyms

classes and extracurricular

activities

Use synonyms

to the education system .

Parents

Use synonyms

also

Linking Words

should encourage their kids to move out of their comfort zone and learn different types of

sports

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games

Use synonyms

like badminton, tennis, cricket football etc.

Consequently

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

movement will bring positive results in the long run and create a well-rounded , vibrant society. It is wise

to conclude

Linking Words

that playing video

games

Use synonyms

all the

time

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is harmful to

children

Use synonyms

Parents

Use synonyms

should monitor their kids'

activities

Use synonyms

on a daily basis to incur positive results

into

Change preposition

show examples

their

children

Use synonyms

's lives. The government must take action to reduce mobile usage as little as possible. The educational system must bring a coherent way to introduce social

activities

Use synonyms

sports

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

etc. to the

children

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and engage them heavily in

such

Linking Words

activities

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to create

prosperous

Correct article usage

a prosperous

show examples

future

Use synonyms

generation.

nehakarmakar45

Oct 26, 2023

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task achievement

Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your ideas.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that your ideas are logically organized and connected throughout the essay.

lexical resource

Expand your vocabulary and use more varied and precise language.

grammatical range and accuracy

Work on improving your grammatical accuracy and range.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
8
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

393 words

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These days many children spend a lot of time playing video games and many parents feel this is very negative. Do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary schools rather than secondary schools. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

The relatively recent development of games on phones, computers, and TV consoles is extremely popular with people all over the world. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such electronic games?

countries with a long average working day are likely to be more economically successful than other countries, but may suffer some negative social-consequence as a result. Agree or disagree

Some people believe that governments should make laws about people’s nutrition and food choice while others argue that it is their choice. Discuss both views and give your opinion.