Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
In the course of human history,
people
have been trying to increare
their Correct your spelling
increase
information
in all aspects of life to survive. Like getting information
about how to accumulate food in the past to how to step on the
Mars now. By the same Correct article usage
apply
token
some Add a comma
token,
people
are of te
belief that sharing Correct your spelling
the
information
as much as possible, would be good, while
others claim that some information
should not be shared becuure
of their Correct your spelling
because
impertance
. I would say both arguments have Correct your spelling
importance
valiety
, but I would lean toward the former.
On the one hand, giving more Correct your spelling
value
information
and giving mor
access Correct your spelling
more
of
Change preposition
to
information
to the public woull
help scientists, doctors, or even regular Correct your spelling
would
people
to be informal
of current affairs and Replace the word
informed
cutting edge
technologies. Add a hyphen
cutting-edge
In other words
, many scientists and researchers in the
all corners of the world are doing their best to achieve innovative methods or even invent a new way to improve Remove the article
apply
the
science and help numerous Correct article usage
apply
pople
to have a better life. If they didn't Correct your spelling
people
publisized
their results ,the world would not improve in different fields like medicine, Correct your spelling
publish
technology
to name but a few. Correct word choice
and technology
For instance
, the pandemic of coronavirus led to the death of millions of people
around the world, If the
scientists had not published their Correct article usage
apply
rerults
on Correct your spelling
results
the
vaccines ,we would face the Correct article usage
apply
continuess
of dying of Correct your spelling
continues
continuous
people
more and more day by day.
On the other hand
, some information
should not be sharred
because Correct your spelling
shared
they
may Correct pronoun usage
it
endangered
the situation of a country or the lives of a Change the verb form
endanger
grate
number of Correct your spelling
great
people
in that country. To explain more, some pieces of information
are highly confidential and should not be released. In fact, the leakage of these item
of Change the determiner
this item
these items
information
may lead to dying
of many Verb problem
the death
people
. To illustrate the point, many countries are working on nuclear power these days and they keep all the details hiden
. The leakage of Correct your spelling
hidden
information
may evoke many disagreement
from other countries or groups of politicians and Change to a plural noun
disagreements
finally
war between them. Regular people
are the ones who will die and face many pooblems
in Correct your spelling
problems
this
situation. So, it is consistent with logic to keep these kinds of information
and do
not publicize them.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that depending Unnecessary verb
apply
the
type of Change preposition
on the
information
and whether it is beneficial or harmful to the public, it should be published or not.Submitted by sr.alizadeh9191 on
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task response
Your essay addresses the task prompt and provides a balanced discussion of both views. However, in the conclusion, it would be better to explicitly state your own opinion instead of just mentioning that it depends on the type of information. Also, make sure to fully develop your points and provide more specific examples in support of each view.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a clear overall structure and the paragraphs are logically connected, the introduction and conclusion can be improved. In the introduction, it would be better to provide a clearer thesis statement that states your position on the issue. The conclusion should be a summary of the main points discussed and should also restate your own opinion.
lexical resource
Your essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with some appropriate and varied use of words and phrases. However, to further enhance your lexical resource, try to incorporate more academic vocabulary and precise terminology related to the topic. Additionally, make sure to use collocations and idiomatic expressions accurately.
grammatical range
Your essay shows a command of grammatical structures and the sentences are generally well-formed. However, there are some instances of errors in verb tense consistency and subject-verb agreement. Pay attention to these details and proofread your essay carefully to eliminate any grammatical errors.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite