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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The restoration of old buildings in major cities throughout the world involves enormous expenditure. This money would bring more benefits if it was used to provide new housing and road development. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?

#restoration #buildings #cities #world #expenditure #money #road #development
Renovation is one of the major needs of every country's government.In the major cities, there are more old buildings,
however
, there is an argument about restoring that
waste
Fix the agreement mistake
wastes
show examples
money
 that had to
spend
Wrong verb form
be spent
show examples
 on new houses and a transport system.I partially agree with
this
 statement.
firstly
, if we think about our sacred buildings,
ruined
Correct word choice
and ruined
show examples
 cities ,
that is
 very useful to say about history.
Besides
 we can
be seen
Wrong verb form
see
show examples
our kids value those places and
also
 they can learn without using other materials
our
Change preposition
in our
show examples
 proud history.So, learning by devices is not as effective as getting knowledge by seeing .
Secondly
, the government spent a lot of
money
 on developing the buildings in those places never spent more time on it.In
this
 period we can not build that item same cost and same quality.When the period that was built,there was good technology in society but now we can't find even one of it.For example , in Sri Lanka there was good technology for creating pagodas and
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
Egipt had great ideas about pyramids.
Finally
, I would like to say why we should destroy those things, we can renovate
that
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 and can
be made
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 an opportunity to get foreign attraction to them and make an income resource from tourism. Rebuild
some time
Correct your spelling
sometimes
show examples
 not the best action,for example in
a major cities
Correct the article-noun agreement
a major city
major cities
show examples
 there
have been
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 not enough space
due to
 urbanization.
However
, we should give the chance to a new generation without thinking about our historical value.
Because for
Correct word choice
For
show examples
example, if city members want a new shortcut via a historic place,we always give our permission to them ,with the choice marked after the election or survey.
Then
 we can give permission to keep that road ahead or we can make any other way without harm to old things ,If it had been to spend
money
 as
public
Add an article
a public
the public
show examples
 we should do
according to
 the necessary
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
situation.But for that, we had to spend more
money
 on renovation. In conclusion,
money
 expenditure is a great point,
that is
 not like eating a cake piece.
Submitted by rnjayasinghe71 on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure your introduction clearly states your position on the topic and provides an overview of the main points you will discuss in the essay.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas. Avoid repetition and consider using more precise and advanced vocabulary.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar. Use a variety of sentence types and ensure your sentences are clear and grammatically correct.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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