Many people believe that women make better parents than men and that is why they have the greater role in raising children in most societies. Others claim that men are just as good as women at parenting. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #women #parents #men #role #children #societies

Some people say that

women

have the biggest role when it comes to

raise

Change the verb form

raising

show examples

children

in communities,

while

other people argue that

men

also

Add a missing verb

are also

show examples

as great as

women

in raising

children

This

essay will discuss both views and give the author’s opinion on the statement.

To begin

with, when

women

are carrying

baby

Add an article

a baby

the baby

show examples

in their belly for nine months, they start to build a connection with the baby. After giving

Remove the article

apply

show examples

birth, the connection and bounding between them are stronger.

This

way

Add an article

the way

show examples

women

have

Change the article

the

show examples

ability to be

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

good

parent

Fix the agreement mistake

parents

show examples

Moreover

women

teach their

children

with heart,

this

will

make

Verb problem

give

show examples

their

children

have

abilities

Fix the agreement mistake

ability

show examples

to be more aware

with

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show examples

their surroundings.

In addition

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

research said that

woman

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woman's

show examples

brain is more complex than

men

thus

they can do a lot of things

Change preposition

show examples

same

Add an article

the same

show examples

time.

For instance

, they can do household

works

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work

show examples

while

take

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taking

show examples

care

their

Change preposition

of their

show examples

baby. Based on the explanation above,

women

take

Verb problem

play

show examples

a crucial part as a parent. They can raise their

children

with heart, and it will have

good

Correct article usage

a good

show examples

impacts

Fix the agreement mistake

impact

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

children

's future.

On the other hand

men

also

have a vital role in parenting.

Men

can teach

children

how to be strong and independent.

Men

's parenting is more

logic

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logical

show examples

than

women

Change noun form

women's

show examples

. They teach

children

how to use their

brain

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brains

show examples

logical

Change the article

a logical

show examples

way.

This

also

Add a missing verb

is also

show examples

an important part

Change preposition

show examples

children

Change noun form

children's

show examples

development. In conclusion, in my opinion,

women

and

men

have

Correct article usage

the

show examples

same role when it comes to

raise

Change the verb form

raising

show examples

children

. Because

Change preposition

apply

show examples

women

teach with

heart

Fix the agreement mistake

hearts

show examples

and

men

teach with

brain

Fix the agreement mistake

brains

show examples

. It will balance the

children

Change noun form

children's

show examples

life and make them to be great

children

However

women

and

men

need to support each other in raising

children

this

will make

children

have a brighter future.

Submitted by jxnxy01 on Fri Oct 27 2023

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task response

Make sure to fully address all aspects of the task prompt in your essay.

coherence and cohesion

Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion.

lexical resource

Try to use a wider range of vocabulary and vary your word choice.

grammatical range

Pay attention to your sentence structure and try to use more complex grammatical structures.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
35Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

288 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many people believe that women make better parents than men and that is why they have the greater role in raising children in most societies. Others claim that men are just as good as women at parenting. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Being a celebrity, such as a famous film star or sports personality-brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?

Some people think that with the increasing use of mobile phones and computers, people lose the ability to communicate face to face. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that social media sites, such as Facebook or Twitter, have a negative impact on young people and their ability to form personal relationships. Others believe that these sites bring people together in a beneficial way.

Some people think that environmental problems should be solved on a global scale while others believe it is better to deal with them nationally Discuss both sides and give your opinion