Many people believe that women make better parents than men and that is why they have the greater role in raising children in most societies. Others claim that men are just as good as women at parenting. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #women #parents #men #role #children #societies

Some people say that

women

have the biggest role when it comes to raising

children

in communities,

while

other people argue that

men

are

also

as great as

women

in raising

children

This

essay will discuss both views and give the author’s opinion on the statement.

To begin

with, when

women

are carrying a baby in their belly for nine months, they start to build a connection with the baby. After giving

Remove the article

apply

show examples

birth, the connection and bounding between them are stronger.

This

is the way

women

have the ability to be good parents.

Moreover

women

teach their

children

with heart,

this

will give their

children

have ability to be more aware of their surroundings.

In addition

, research said that woman's brain is more complex than

men

Change noun form

men's

show examples

thus

they can do a lot of things at the same time.

For instance

, they can do household work

while

taking care of their baby. Based on the explanation above,

women

play a crucial part as a parent. They can raise their

children

with heart, and it will have a good impact on

children

's future.

On the other hand

men

also

have a vital role in parenting.

Men

can teach

children

how to be strong and independent.

Men

's parenting is more logical than

women

's. They teach

children

how to use their brains in a logical way.

This

also

an important part of

children

's development. In conclusion, in my opinion,

women

and

men

have the same role when it comes to raising

children

. Because

women

teach with hearts and

men

teach with brains. It will balance the

children

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

and make them

to be

Verb problem

apply

show examples

great

children

However

women

and

men

need to support each other in raising

children

this

will make

children

have a brighter future.

Submitted by jxnxy01 on Fri Oct 27 2023

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task achievement

It is important to fully address all aspects of the task prompt. In this essay, while you discuss both views on women and men in parenting, you fail to clearly present your own opinion on the matter. Remember to state your standpoint and provide a clear rationale for it.

coherence cohesion

The overall organization of the essay is appropriate with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, there is room for improvement in the logical structure of the body paragraphs. Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and follows a cohesive flow of ideas.

lexical resource

Your use of vocabulary is generally good, with some effective expressions such as 'bounding between them' and 'teach with hearts and brains.' However, try to vary your vocabulary and use more sophisticated words and phrases to enhance your lexical resource.

grammatical range

Your essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures with only minor errors. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and tense consistency throughout your writing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

293 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many people believe that women make better parents than men and that is why they have the greater role in raising children in most societies. Others claim that men are just as good as women at parenting. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

An increasing number of developing countries are expanding tourist industries. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last years. Discuss the causes and effect of this issue disturbing trend.

The best way to solve the world's environmental problem is to increase the price of fuels. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

You had a problem while staying at a hotel and the receptionist was very helpful. Write a letter to the manager of the hotel. In your letter, – Describe the problem that you had – explain how the receptionist helped you – suggest ways to prevent the problem from happening again.