IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think human behavior can be changed by laws, while others think laws have little effect. What is your opinion?

#people #behavior #laws #effect
The impact of the
law
 effect has sparked controversy in society.
While
 some people believe that
law
 provisions might bring several advantages, others claim that the opposite holds true.
This
 essay will elaborate on both sides of the debate and
thus
 lead to a logical conclusion. At the outset, there are numerous reasons why
law
 provisions might bring several advantages, but the most crucial one stems from the fact that legislation will play a vital role in culture and society. As a matter of fact, civil
law
 and international
law
 will offer tons of benefits to legal responsibilities and safety rules.
According to
 a recent conducted by reputable researchers at Sydney University, a punishment act and an immediate ban will greatly contribute to restrictions on crime prevention and drug offenders.
Nevertheless
, some people adopt an opposing view and tend to believe that the opposite holds true. It is largely attributed to the fact that unlawful activities and criminal behaviour may have negative impacts on antisocial behaviour and misbehaviour. To be more precise, the disadvantages of moral corruption and violent criminals might be
due to
 defence lawyers.
For instance
, the downsides of identity theft and illegal acts are critical. In conclusion,
while
 there are strong arguments on both sides of the debate, I strongly believe that
law
 provisions might bring several advantages.
Submitted by Klein_shy on

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introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are missing. It is important to provide a clear introduction that introduces the topic and your stance, and a conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your opinion.
logical structure
The logical structure of the essay is somewhat clear, but could be improved. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a specific idea, and use appropriate transitional phrases to guide the reader through your arguments.
supported main points
Your main points are supported with some examples, but more specific and relevant examples could strengthen your argument.
complete response
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task and provides a complete response to the question.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas are clear and comprehensible, but try to provide more depth and analysis in your explanations.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary to include more varied and precise language. This will enhance the quality of your essay.
grammatical range
Your grammar is generally accurate, but there are a few minor errors. Pay attention to sentence structure and ensure proper use of tense and agreement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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