IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Advertising is nowadays often targets children or products like fast food and toys. Many people believe this is bad for children and their families. Do you agree or disagree, give reasons with examples.

#targets #children #products #food #toys #people #families
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Undoubtedly, commercials of fast
food
Use synonyms
 outlets giving freebies have become
topic
Correct article usage
a topic
show examples
 of controversy because one school of thought
opine
Correct subject-verb agreement
opines
show examples
 that these advertisements have detrimental consequences. I am completely in favour of
this
Linking Words
 notion.
This
Linking Words
 essay will shed light on the reasons supporting my opinion with the help of
real life
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
 examples. To commence with the most prominent reason, advertisements given by companies lure
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children to consume fast
food
Use synonyms
 . The commercials proclaiming free toys with meals lead children to fast-
food
Use synonyms
 outlets as they are
exhilrated
Correct your spelling
exhilarated
 by the notion of receiving their favourite action figure.
For instance
Linking Words
,
Mcdonald's
Correct your spelling
McDonald's
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 provide a little figure of their mascot ' Ronald' with their
kids
Change to a genitive case
kid's
kids'
show examples
 meal.
Hence
Linking Words
, these figures become a source of pleasure for children and lure them to consume more
food
Use synonyms
. Probing ahead,
ready to eat
Add a hyphen
ready-to-eat
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 items have low nutrition contents but ,these items are high in calories
therefore
Linking Words
, addiction
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
such
Linking Words
 edibles
result
Correct subject-verb agreement
results
show examples
 in increased unhealthy body fat.
Additionally
Linking Words
, indulgence in fast
food
Use synonyms
invite
Correct subject-verb agreement
invites
show examples
ailemts
Correct your spelling
ailments
 like obesity, high blood
pressue
Correct your spelling
pressure
 and heart issues
etcetra
Correct your spelling
etcetera
. To exemplify, in developed nations residents thrive solely or mostly on fast
food
Use synonyms
 items and the results manifest in
fact
Add an article
the fact
show examples
 that these
nation
Change the determiner
nations
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 make up for the largest chunk of obese and unfit individuals.
Hence
Linking Words
, addictive fast
food
Use synonyms
 should be shunned. To
recapituate
Correct your spelling
recapitulate
, owing to the
aforemention
Correct your spelling
aforementioned
 reasons and examples it can be concluded that fast
food
Use synonyms
 has annihilating effects
Linking Words
therefore
Add the comma(s)
, therefore
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 promotions should be disallowed by authorities with immediate effect.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly states your position on the topic and provides an outline of your main points.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to include a clear conclusion that restates your main points and reinforces your opinion.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary by using a variety of synonyms and more precise terms.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to ensure accuracy and clarity in your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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