IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages?

#technologies #children #time #outweigh
Nowadays, new
technologies
,
such
 as mobile phones and tablets, have changed how
kids
 spend their free
time
. There are some advantages and disadvantages.
Overall
, I believe that there are more pros than cons. The main benefits of the use of
technologies
 for
kids
 are more access to information at any
time
 and about any subject, an easier way to get connected with friends and family, and more knowledge to deal with future
technologies
.
Nevertheless
, there are a lot of drawbacks, like spending more
time
 on screen, receiving unhealthy
lights
Fix the agreement mistake
light
show examples
 to the eyes, excessive stimulation to the brain, and having an easier way to do school homework without learning actually.
In addition
,
this kind
Fix the agreement mistake
these kinds
show examples
 of devices are extremely addictive and can isolate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
kids
 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. Obviously, technology by itself is not a bad thing,
although
 what the
kids
 watch and how long they spend on mobiles are important issues for parents. I think the parents must limit the
time
 spent in front of the screens and their content. In the modern world, children have a lot of activities
besides
 school. They have less and less free
time
 to play or just to rest during the weekdays. My
kids
,
for instance
,
in addition
 to school, have classes in informatics, soccer, volleyball, acoustic guitar, and theatre.
As a result
, they have so little
time
 to use electronic gadgets. In their free
time
 after doing all the homework, they
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 most of it on their mobile phones, watching short videos or searching for news about sports. In conclusion, I agree that the positive points outweigh the negative points;
however
, parents and guardians must control the use of new
technologies
 and innovations by their offspring.
Submitted by fmulato on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
Provide a clearer stance on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supports the main idea.
Lexical Resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas and avoid repetition.
Grammatical Range
Demonstrate a greater variety of sentence structures and use more complex grammatical constructions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • new technologies
  • children
  • free time
  • access
  • educational resources
  • information
  • development
  • key skills
  • enhancing
  • creativity
  • imagination
  • opportunity
  • connect
  • convenience
  • flexibility
  • lack
  • physical activity
  • potential
  • health issues
  • impact
  • social
  • emotional development
  • exposure
  • inappropriate content
  • addiction
  • dependency
What to do next:
Look at other essays: