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Band 4

Organized tours to remote places and communities are increasingly popular. Is it a positive or negative development for local people and the environment?

#tours #places #communities #development #people #environment
Making
trip
Fix the agreement mistake
trips
show examples
 to isolated places and society is becoming a new famous trend of travelling currently.
Although
 it
gives
Verb problem
has
show examples
 a good economic impact
for
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on
show examples
 the area and
people
, I
belive
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believe
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 that it
brings
Verb problem
has
show examples
 many bad impacts on the village and the
community
such
 as social and
environtmental
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environmental
 issues. Creating a tour to far-flung places and
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
 might develop the economy of the
people
 since the guests will spend lots of
money
 in that
place
. By way of illustration,
Labuan
Bajo
, one of
Add an article
the
show examples
super premium tourist destinations in Indonesia, experiences high development on the
societies
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society's
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 incomes because
of
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apply
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many tourists both regional and international come there and spend their
money
 in the
place
 to buy
souveniers
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souvenirs
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, food, and pay hotels. Those travelling activities make local
people
 get more
money
everyday
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every day
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.
However
, even the tourism activities increase the local income, it brings
plethora
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a plethora
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 of bad influences into the areas and societies that can be a
thread
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threat
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for
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to
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future
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the future
a future
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life
 of the village and
people
. Making travel
package
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packages
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 to remote
area
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areas
show examples
 and
community
 could destroy their social
life
 system and their
environtment
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environment
. If many new
people
 with different background and
atitude
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attitude
 come to the
the
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apply
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areas and society, it brings negative influences to the society
inn
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in
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 terms of
life style
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lifestyle
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 and
also
harm
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harms
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 their nature. I take
Labuan
Bajo
 again as proof, presently some
people
 in
Labuan
Bajo
lose
Wrong verb form
have lost
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 their local
life style
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lifestyle
show examples
 in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 way how
to dressed
Verb problem
dress
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 up because of copying many
tourists
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tourists'
tourist's
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style
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styles
show examples
 who come to the
place
, they started to think that wearing local clothes is not good anymore.
Moreover
, the high amount of flights and
people
 coming to
Labuan
Bajo
, it is slowly but surely
change
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changes
show examples
 the temperature of the city because of more pollution created. In conclusion, even
thoght
Correct your spelling
though
 organizing
trip
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trips
show examples
 to visit
Add an article
the
a
show examples
remote
village
Fix the agreement mistake
villages
show examples
 and
people
 creates
a lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
show examples
 of opportunities for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 to get
money
 and improve their quality of
life
;
however
, it creates lots of
disadvanteges
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
 for the surroundings. It will kill the social
life
 and the nature of the
place
 and the
community
.
Submitted by musa.nuwa on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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