IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Organized tours to remote places and communities are increasingly popular. Is it a positive or negative development for local people and the environment?

#tours #places #communities #development #people #environment
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Making
trip
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trips
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 to isolated places and society is becoming a new famous trend of travelling currently.
Although
Linking Words
 it
gives
Verb problem
has
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 a good economic impact
for
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on
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 the area and
people
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, I
belive
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believe
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 that it
brings
Verb problem
has
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 many bad impacts on the village and the
community
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such
Linking Words
 as social and
environtmental
Correct your spelling
environmental
 issues. Creating a tour to far-flung places and
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community
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communities
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 might develop the economy of the
people
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 since the guests will spend lots of
money
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 in that
place
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. By way of illustration,
Labuan
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Bajo
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, one of
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the
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super premium tourist destinations in Indonesia, experiences high development on the
societies
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society's
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 incomes because
of
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apply
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many tourists both regional and international come there and spend their
money
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 in the
place
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 to buy
souveniers
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souvenirs
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, food, and pay hotels. Those travelling activities make local
people
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 get more
money
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everyday
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every day
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.
However
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, even the tourism activities increase the local income, it brings
plethora
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a plethora
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 of bad influences into the areas and societies that can be a
thread
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threat
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for
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to
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future
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the future
a future
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life
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 of the village and
people
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. Making travel
package
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packages
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 to remote
area
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areas
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 and
community
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 could destroy their social
life
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 system and their
environtment
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environment
. If many new
people
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 with different background and
atitude
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attitude
 come to the
the
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apply
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areas and society, it brings negative influences to the society
inn
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in
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 terms of
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life style
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lifestyle
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 and
also
Linking Words
harm
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harms
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 their nature. I take
Labuan
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Bajo
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 again as proof, presently some
people
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 in
Labuan
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Bajo
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lose
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have lost
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 their local
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life style
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lifestyle
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 in
a
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the
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 way how
to dressed
Verb problem
dress
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 up because of copying many
tourists
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tourists'
tourist's
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style
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styles
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 who come to the
place
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, they started to think that wearing local clothes is not good anymore.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the high amount of flights and
people
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 coming to
Labuan
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Bajo
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, it is slowly but surely
change
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changes
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 the temperature of the city because of more pollution created. In conclusion, even
thoght
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though
 organizing
trip
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trips
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 to visit
Add an article
the
a
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remote
village
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villages
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 and
people
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 creates
a lots
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a lot
lots
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 of opportunities for
the
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apply
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people
Use synonyms
 to get
money
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 and improve their quality of
life
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;
however
Linking Words
, it creates lots of
disadvanteges
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
 for the surroundings. It will kill the social
life
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 and the nature of the
place
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 and the
community
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by musa.nuwa on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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