IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

In many places, people's lifestyle is changing rapidly, and this affects family relationships. Do you think the advantages of those developments outweigh the disadvantages?

#places #people #lifestyle #relationships #developments
As the world evolves,
people
's lifestyles in many sites change, causing specific repercussions on family connections.
However
, I believe that these advancements have more advantages than downsides. Today,
people
 are being compelled to change their way of life and
work
 in order to adapt to the rapid development of society in various areas
such
 as economics, education, and health. It can be noticed that most young
people
 today spend their entire day at
work
 sitting in front of a computer screen and they often eat fast food during breaks
instead
 of going home to eat with their families to save time for
work
. All of these things not only harm their health but
also
 reduce
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 bond with family members.
Besides
, technological advancements have had an impact on
people
's lives, most
people
 now spend more time engaging with smartphones than chatting with friends or family members. After a long day at
work
, many
people
 like to unwind by surfing social networking sites or playing online games. If they continue to maintain
this
 bad habit, it will make them lazy to interact and converse with others around them, causing them to lose their ability to communicate and severely impacting their relationships.
Although
 these advances have altered
people
's lives in many locations, they have
also
 brought significant benefits.
Firstly
, as the globe develops, it will drive individuals to constantly study and
work
 to acquire more knowledge and experience in order to integrate with the world's development, which will assist
enhance
Wrong verb form
in enhancing
show examples
 their qualifications.
Furthermore
, having to focus on
work
 for an extended period of time will help them feel grateful and value the moments with their family more. Obvious proof for
this
 is that
people
 who study and
work
 away from home frequently come home on holidays to reunite with family members.
Besides
, the introduction of smart electronic devices provides many practical benefits to consumers.
For example
,
people
 who live far away from family can contact their relatives more readily thanks to smartphones, which allow them to use video calls or social networking sites to communicate and keep up with each other's lives. Using these services allows
people
 to effortlessly and conveniently maintain relationships with those around them. In conclusion,
while
 the world’s rapid development has caused changes in the way of life of
people
 in many regions, we must acknowledge that it has
also
 brought many other significant benefits.
Submitted by khoiminhnguyen1411 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that all the points mentioned in the prompt are addressed clearly in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to consistently use appropriate linking words and phrases to create a clear and logical flow throughout the essay.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary by incorporating more diverse and advanced words and phrases into your writing.
grammatical range
Work on improving the accuracy and complexity of your sentence structures, including the use of different tenses, complex sentences, and appropriate punctuation.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: