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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many places, people's lifestyle is changing rapidly, and this affects family relationships. Do you think the advantages of those developments outweigh the disadvantages?

#places #people #lifestyle #relationships #developments
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As the world evolves,
people
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's lifestyles in many sites change, causing specific repercussions on family connections.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that these advancements have more advantages than downsides. Today,
people
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 are being compelled to change their way of life and
work
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 in order to adapt to the rapid development of society in various areas
such
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 as economics, education, and health. It can be noticed that most young
people
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 today spend their entire day at
work
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 sitting in front of a computer screen and they often eat fast food during breaks
instead
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 of going home to eat with their families to save time for
work
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. All of these things not only harm their health but
also
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 reduce
the
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their
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 bond with family members.
Besides
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, technological advancements have had an impact on
people
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's lives, most
people
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 now spend more time engaging with smartphones than chatting with friends or family members. After a long day at
work
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, many
people
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 like to unwind by surfing social networking sites or playing online games. If they continue to maintain
this
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 bad habit, it will make them lazy to interact and converse with others around them, causing them to lose their ability to communicate and severely impacting their relationships.
Although
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 these advances have altered
people
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's lives in many locations, they have
also
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 brought significant benefits.
Firstly
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, as the globe develops, it will drive individuals to constantly study and
work
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 to acquire more knowledge and experience in order to integrate with the world's development, which will assist
enhance
Wrong verb form
in enhancing
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 their qualifications.
Furthermore
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, having to focus on
work
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 for an extended period of time will help them feel grateful and value the moments with their family more. Obvious proof for
this
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 is that
people
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 who study and
work
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 away from home frequently come home on holidays to reunite with family members.
Besides
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, the introduction of smart electronic devices provides many practical benefits to consumers.
For example
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,
people
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 who live far away from family can contact their relatives more readily thanks to smartphones, which allow them to use video calls or social networking sites to communicate and keep up with each other's lives. Using these services allows
people
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 to effortlessly and conveniently maintain relationships with those around them. In conclusion,
while
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 the world’s rapid development has caused changes in the way of life of
people
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 in many regions, we must acknowledge that it has
also
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 brought many other significant benefits.
Submitted by khoiminhnguyen1411 on

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task response
Ensure that all the points mentioned in the prompt are addressed clearly in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to consistently use appropriate linking words and phrases to create a clear and logical flow throughout the essay.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary by incorporating more diverse and advanced words and phrases into your writing.
grammatical range
Work on improving the accuracy and complexity of your sentence structures, including the use of different tenses, complex sentences, and appropriate punctuation.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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