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Band 3

Some deem that job pleasure is more important than job society. In contrast ,others think thay having a stable job is better than enjoying the job. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#deem #job #pleasure #society #contrast #thay
How do you explain the gaps in your study/professional history? - I have justification
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 my gap years that I want to learn more about Business and Management
therefore
 I have
work
Wrong verb form
worked
show examples
 in
this
 field after that getting
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good experience now i am ready to explore my knowledge in
this
 field with the help of the study in UK University.  What is the relevance of the
course
 to your future career path? - I considered that only
this
course
will
Wrong verb form
would
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 help me to expand my knowledge and give my career a particular direction in the future.  How is your
course
 assessed? (apparently frequently asked and students do not know) - My
course
 assessed various types of
test
Fix the agreement mistake
tests
show examples
 and assignments.
In tests
Change preposition
Tests
show examples
, are very effective ways to determine whether students have mastered the
course
 content or not.
Moreover
, tests are a feedback system that
let
Wrong verb form
lets
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 students know their own
strength
Fix the agreement mistake
strengths
show examples
 and
weakness
Fix the agreement mistake
weaknesses
show examples
 in the
course
.
Submitted by er.lerulal on

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task response
Your essay does not fully address the prompt. You have discussed the relevance of the course to your future career path, but you have not discussed the two views on job pleasure and job stability.
coherence cohesion
Overall, your essay has a clear structure and logical progression. However, you could improve the organization by clearly stating the two views in your introduction and providing a clear opinion in the conclusion.
lexical resource
You have demonstrated a good range of vocabulary and used appropriate terminology related to the topic. However, there is room for improvement in using more varied and precise vocabulary.
grammatical range
Your grammar is generally accurate and you have used a variety of sentence structures. However, there are some errors in subject-verb agreement and word order that could be improved.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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