It is widely recognized that anti-social and disrespectful
behavior
in today’s civilization Change the spelling
behaviour
are
on Change the verb form
is
a
rise. For Correct article usage
the
this
Linking Words
matter
I believe that Add a comma
matter,
individualistic
lifestyle, Correct article usage
an individualistic
as a result
of capital oriented Linking Words
society
is the cause Add the comma(s)
society,
thus
an awareness Linking Words
for
mental health has to be raised.
Change preposition
of
To begin
with, nowadays, industrial countries are on Linking Words
a
rise and every country is in a race to be an economic giant. Correct article usage
the
In addition
to that, cultures that are built around Linking Words
this
kind of global movement are based on the dream of capitalism in which everyone focuses their attention Linking Words
to gain
more capital Change preposition
on gaining
while
diminishing the values of Linking Words
solidarism
, friendship, and family. We can see Correct your spelling
solidarity
this
instance around our education system that in many schools where Linking Words
childrens
are forced to study more than 8 hours will leave no time for them to play, socialize or have quality time with their families for the sake of Correct your spelling
children
standardize
Wrong verb form
standardised
grade
which Fix the agreement mistake
grades
believed
can secure their chance to get a good job in the future. Add a missing verb
is believed
This
in turn will nurture the grown man and woman Linking Words
that is
socially reluctant and will voluntarily put away their social values for economic gain.
In response to that, we have to raise the voices about mental health at the level of society to Linking Words
wake
awareness on the issue of the sickening individualistic lifestyle that harasses our psychological nature to care for others. Verb problem
raise
Linking Words
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
this
awareness will encourage a wide range of actions to target Linking Words
this
problem Linking Words
such
as in Indonesia where the new minister of education erased the national exam from a requirement of high-school graduation because of the data showing that successful people are not the smartest, but the most sensitive to the needs of other people. Linking Words
This
kind of data is what we need as a discourse that opens the eyes of many people to care for others.
In Linking Words
summary
it's the civilization that over-valuing the capital will discredit the social aspect of our culture. Add a comma
summary,
This
in the long run can ruin Linking Words
the
society as every person lives a lonely life. Correct article usage
apply
Therefore
the discourse of mental health has to be raised to remind us that we are not alone.Linking Words
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