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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, a high proportion of criminal acts are committed by teenagers Why is it the case and what can be done to deal with this?

#countries #proportion #acts #teenagers #case
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In numerous countries, the rate of juvenile delinquents is said to be increasing. The root cause of
this
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 is the lack of parental skills in educating
children
Use synonyms
 yet it can be tackled by the government conducting various courses for
parents
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 on how to nurture their
children
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 effectively. The principal cause of committing crimes in young offenders is poor discipline at home. It must be recognized that
parents
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 are not strict and careful enough with their
children
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.
Consequently
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,
children
Use synonyms
 do not obey the parental commission
as well as
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 rebel in society.
Furthermore
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, those criminals break the law but do not realize their acts are illegal. Take Vietnam as an example here, where 25, 22% of inmates miss a parental education in their childhood. A solution,
however
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, can be found in government action towards parental skills. The most effective approach is for
parents
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 to register for the courses of educating
children
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.
As a result
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, parental skills can be improved and it
also
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 leads to
children
Use synonyms
's compliance at home.
This
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 is true in India, where the government organizes a free course on managing
behavioral
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behavioural
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children
Use synonyms
 for all
parents
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 around the country.
Therefore
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, the increase in juvenile criminals stems from
parents
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 lacking educational
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 at home.
Nevertheless
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, providing
parents
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 the courses to develop their
skill
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skills
show examples
will improve
children
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's behaviors and attitudes.
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task response
Provide a clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines the main points to be discussed in the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that relates back to the thesis statement.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary and synonyms to enhance the lexical resource.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to improve grammatical range.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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