The table below shows the participayion of people over 15 in selected sports and phusical recreation activities by gender in Australia during the period 2011-12.

#participayion #people #sports #recreation #activities #gender #australia #period

The bar graph displays the percentage of

males

and

females

who are above 15 years of

age

in Australia who

engages

Correct subject-verb agreement

engage

show examples

in some

sports

and physical activities.

Overall

,It is evident from the chart that

females

in all

age

groups except

age

15 to 24, participated in

sports

To begin

with,Ladies aged 45 to 54 participated more in physical activity as they hit the top of the chart at 53.3% with about

Correct article usage

a 10

show examples

% difference to that of the

males

Furthermore

,Among individuals between (35 to 44),there seems to be a huge gap in the proportion of

males

and

females

who participated in

sports

However

Although

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

there seems to be about

Correct article usage

a 5

show examples

% difference in the number of men and women who carried out some physical activities

among

Change preposition

between

show examples

Correct article usage

the age

show examples

age

Fix the agreement mistake

ages

show examples

Change preposition

of 25

show examples

to 34,with the value of the women higher than that of men.

In Contrast

,the young male adults(15-24)

seems

Correct subject-verb agreement

seem

show examples

to be much more interested in

sports

when compared to the

females

Finally

age

Correct article usage

the age

show examples

group 55 to 64

also

recorded

females

with the higher figures of participants,

however

Add a comma

however,

show examples

the older people's proportion almost evened out at 46.7% in

males

and 47.1% in

females

Submitted by bumzyakins on Sat Oct 28 2023

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

▼

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".

▼

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.

Vocabulary: Replace the words males, females, age, sports with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.

▼

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

183 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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The table below shows the participayion of people over 15 in selected sports and phusical recreation activities by gender in Australia during the period 2011-12.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In many countries, imprisonment is the most common solution to crimes. However, some people believe that better education will be a more effective solution. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Topic: robots and artificial are being developed to replace humans in the work place. Why this is happening? Do you think this will have a positive or negative impact on society?

Many people are afraid to leave their home because of their fear of crime. Some people believe that more action should be taken to prevent crime, but others feel that little can be dome. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

it is too expensive to look after and repair old building. This money should be spent on building modern building instead. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?