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Band 4.5

In many countries, people now wear Western clothes (suits, jeans) rather than traditional clothing. Why? Is this a positive or negative development.

#countries #people #clothes #suits #jeans #development
In contemporary
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
, Western
clothes
such
 as suits,
jeans
Correct word choice
and jeans
show examples
 are becoming more and more popular among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 rather than traditional
costumes
. There are several reasons leading to
this
 evolution,
this
 essay will discuss both
positive
Correct article usage
the positive
show examples
 and negative
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
show examples
 of
this
 trend. On the one hand,
as
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the modification of time, the tendency
of wearing
Change preposition
to wear
show examples
 Western
costumes
 might bring back
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
.
First,
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
 clothing can create
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
equality and eliminate the conflicts between
people
 from different nations. To be specific,
due to
 the diversity of cultures, in some areas, they might despise clothing with too
colorful
Change the spelling
colourful
show examples
 patterns,
while
 in others there might be a tradition to wear clothing with a lot of patterns,
therefore
,
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
argument might
happen
Verb problem
arise
show examples
 between
people
 from these two different
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
show examples
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
show examples
.
However
, since everyone
wear
Change the verb form
wears
show examples
 the same type of
clothes
, a common culture will be created among citizens and it will limit the arguments about the differences of each
nations
Change to a singular noun
nation
show examples
.
On the other hand
, the popularity of Western
clothes
 might partly be responsible for the loss of distinct traditions.
Initially
,
besides
 the increase of Western
clothes
, many young
people
 seem to forget or
loose
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 their
interests
Fix the agreement mistake
interest
show examples
 in their traditional
costumes
. In fact, traditional
costumes
 will only exist if
people
 remember
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 and buy
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 to wear if usually. If no one
remember
Change the verb form
remembers
show examples
 it or amount of
people
 who care about it is too small, it
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 gradually disappear from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and once it is gone, it will be very hard for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 to bring it back
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 life.
Thus
 the cultural identity of one's nation would slowly be endangered and extinct before they could
realize
Correct pronoun usage
realize it
show examples
. In conclusion, the development of using Western
costumes
 around the world could be a negative side since it might be considered
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
culture
Replace the word
cultural
show examples
 invasion
while
 it could
also
 be a great evolution because of the equality it
create
Change the verb form
creates
show examples
 for the
people
.
Submitted by mythongminhhonmanh on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear introduction and conclusion in your essay.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to convey your ideas more effectively.
grammatical range
Work on improving your grammar usage, especially sentence structure and verb agreement.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Globalization
  • Influence
  • Perception
  • Modern
  • Trendy
  • Practicality
  • Comfort
  • Professionalism
  • Integration
  • Global economy
  • Cultural identity
  • Appreciation
  • Preservation
  • Individual expression
  • Freedom of choice
  • Positive
  • Negative
  • Impacts
  • Local industries
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