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Band 5.5

?The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future that it is now. To what extend do you agree with this statement?

#people #health #future
It is often debated that the average standard of people’s
health
 is likely to be lower in the future. I disagree with
this
 statement but I recognise the possibility of it turning out to be true in case specific criteria are not met. First of all, if we were to look back in history, we would see that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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less processed food often made for
an
Remove the article
apply
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healthier nutrition but at the same
time
Add a comma
time,
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 sanitary conditions and the healthcare system have never been as developed as they are now.
Secondly
, scientific research is giving us a deeper understanding
in
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of
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 our own biology and psychology, giving us guidelines to tailor the environment that surrounds us to our needs. Usually, the main opposition to my line of thinking comes from people who see the advent of industrial processed food and the digitalization of human interactions as a threat to our
health
.
Overall
, these concerns are founded in reality as these phenomena can have a large negative impact on both the physical and the mental state of an individual.
However
, what has changed since ancient times is that now we are aware of what is bad and what is good for us, making ourselves the ones more responsible for our own
health
unlike
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, unlike
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the
Change preposition
in the
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 past when we used to be victims of our environment. In
conclusion
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conclusion,
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 I do not think that the future has a
lowering
Correct word choice
lower
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health
 standard awaiting us but
this
 is
beacause
Correct your spelling
because
 I believe that people will use the knowledge we now own as a tool to improve their condition.
Submitted by mtmongillo on

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task response
Provide a more balanced discussion by addressing the opposing viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear introduction and conclusion that summarize your main points.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your essay.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Standard of health
  • 2. Average
  • 3. Lower
  • 4. Future
  • 5. Aging population
  • 6. Chronic diseases
  • 7. Sedentary lifestyle
  • 8. Lack of exercise
  • 9. Poor dietary habits
  • 10. Environmental pollution
  • 11. Technological advancements
  • 12. Impact on health
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