?The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future that it is now. To what extend do you agree with this statement?

It is often debated that the average standard of people’s

health

is likely to be lower in the future. I disagree with

this

statement but I recognise the possibility of it turning out to be true in case specific criteria are not met. First of all, if we were to look back in history, we would see that

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

less processed food often made for

Remove the article

apply

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healthier nutrition but at the same

time

Add a comma

time,

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sanitary conditions and the healthcare system have never been as developed as they are now.

Secondly

, scientific research is giving us a deeper understanding

Change preposition

show examples

our own biology and psychology, giving us guidelines to tailor the environment that surrounds us to our needs. Usually, the main opposition to my line of thinking comes from people who see the advent of industrial processed food and the digitalization of human interactions as a threat to our

health

Overall

, these concerns are founded in reality as these phenomena can have a large negative impact on both the physical and the mental state of an individual.

However

, what has changed since ancient times is that now we are aware of what is bad and what is good for us, making ourselves the ones more responsible for our own

health

unlike

Add the comma(s)

, unlike

show examples

the

Change preposition

in the

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past when we used to be victims of our environment. In

conclusion

Add a comma

conclusion,

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I do not think that the future has a

lowering

Correct word choice

lower

show examples

health

standard awaiting us but

this

beacause

Correct your spelling

because

I believe that people will use the knowledge we now own as a tool to improve their condition.

Submitted by mtmongillo on Sun Oct 29 2023

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task response

Provide a more balanced discussion by addressing the opposing viewpoint.

coherence cohesion

Ensure a clear introduction and conclusion that summarize your main points.

lexical resource

Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your essay.

grammatical range

Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

258 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

1. Standard of health
2. Average
3. Lower
4. Future
5. Aging population
6. Chronic diseases
7. Sedentary lifestyle
8. Lack of exercise
9. Poor dietary habits
10. Environmental pollution
11. Technological advancements
12. Impact on health

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?The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future that it is now. To what extend do you agree with this statement?

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