Students from disadvantaged families and rural areas are finding it difficult to gat a university education. Some people believe that universities should help them. To what extent do you agree or diasgree?

#students #families #areas #gat #university #education #people #universities #diasgree

It is argued that universities should prepare financial aid to help disadvantaged

families

who live in rural areas. I profoundly agree with

this

point of view, and I believe allocating a budget to those who have financial problems can help to demonstrate their abilities and,

besides

, the government discovers gifted talents for the advancement of the country.

Firstly

although

some students have intrinsic aptitude and creative acumen, they don't have an opportunity to follow through with their education. The unequal conditions lead to discrepancies between advantaged and disadvantaged

families

whereas

the talented students in better conditions can show their knowledge, and after university create a glamorous life.

However

, the government plays a pivotal role in mitigating inequality.

For example

, I see many young people after secondary education have to work at restaurants or be street vendors

while

some of them may be real geniuses.

Secondly

, if the universities pay financial aid to

families

who are in unstable economic conditions, they will foster experts for the country.

Therefore

, a scholarship is not only a help, but it is

also

a saving and long-term investment for the future. There have been many gifted athletes and students who had natural aptitudes, and with financial aid, they are working as successful doctors or engineers. All in all, cultivating experts can be beneficial to

fulfill

Change the spelling

fulfil

show examples

success and achievement in the future. In conclusion, it may seem that paying money to disadvantaged

families

is an insurmountable challenge;

however

, I believe

this

practice aids in discovering creative flairs and is an investment for the following years.

Submitted by matty.ebadii on Sun Oct 29 2023

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coherence cohesion

The logical structure of the essay is strong, with clear topic sentences and supporting points. However, some paragraphs could benefit from further development and elaboration.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented and effectively summarize the main arguments of the essay.

lexical resource

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with appropriate and varied word choices. However, there are a few instances where sentence structure could be improved to enhance clarity.

grammatical range

Overall, the essay showcases a solid command of grammar, with minimal errors that do not impede understanding.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

259 words

7.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

disadvantaged families
rural areas
university education
scholarships
financial aid
allocate
seats
outreach programs
support services
succeed
collaborate
governmental organizations
opportunities
targeted policies
initiatives
challenges

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Students from disadvantaged families and rural areas are finding it difficult to gat a university education. Some people believe that universities should help them. To what extent do you agree or diasgree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

with the rise of e books comes the decline in paper books.Some people see this as a good step forward while others do not what are the benefits and drawbacks of this trend?

Some hold the view that ideas and information should be completely open, and there should be no controls on what people can read and watch in the media Do you agree with this view, or do you think that in some circumstances government should limit the freedom of the media.

some parents worried about increasing level of violence in T.V, video games and other types entertainment for children leisure. how does this affect children . how do you think problem can be tackled?

City planners tend to arrange schools, homes ,shops and offices in specific areas and separate them from each other . Do you think the advantage overweight the disadvantage?