Schools should focus on academic success and passing examinations. Skills such as cookery, dressmaking and woodwork should not be taught at school as it is better to learn these from family and friends. To that extent do you agree or disagree.

Numerous people have argued that
school
should teach a lot of skills in daily life
such
as cooking, dressmaking, or woodwork, not only
focus
Wrong verb form
focusing
show examples
on academic achievement
as well as
examinations. In
this
essay, I will explain why I tend to agree with
this
statement. On the one hand, learning essential subjects like math, biology, and language is most likely the main purpose of every
school
in
this
entire world, yet the hope of parents. Based on the statement by UNDP, courses like math, biology, and language are the foundation of children’s part of growing both in analytical thinking and emotional thinking.
Moreover
, the ability of children to count is because they learn math at
school
, their communication
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
level up because they learn a language subject at
school
, and they are aware of the natural environment because they learn it in biology.
On the other hand
,
school
should be the best place for
students
to learn everything, including learning hard or soft skills like cooking, dressmaking, and woodwork.
This
idea could be added
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
extracurricular activities. Looking at SKY High
School
in South Korea,
this
school
even has 30 clubs for extracurricular activities. The teachers
also
believe that the
students
can be rich by having a lot of skills to help them get accepted
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
high-ranked universities. Turns out, 60% of
students
in SKY High
School
get accepted
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
top
Correct article usage
the top
show examples
3 universities in Korea and
Global
Change the word
globally
show examples
because of some competitions in soft
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
and hard
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
like cheerleading, computing, and boxing. In conclusion, learning cannot be lacking in various subjects only. It is absolutely important to consider theoretical achievement in examinations, but it will be more beneficial if
students
can master both
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
academic and non-academic areas.
Submitted by zefanyagyu on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure the flow of ideas between paragraphs by using linking words and phrases.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary by using more precise and varied words.
grammatical range
Pay attention to verb tenses and sentence structures to improve grammatical accuracy.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic success
  • passing examinations
  • cookery
  • dressmaking
  • woodwork
  • learn from family and friends
  • personalized learning environment
  • supportive learning environment
  • well-rounded education
  • school curriculum
  • resources
  • expert guidance
  • enhance creativity
  • problem-solving
  • teamwork
What to do next:
Look at other essays: