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It is predicted that with the development of technology， people in the 21st century have much more free time. To what extend has the prediction come true? Give some reasons from your perspective and experience.

#development #technology， #people #st #century #time #prediction #perspective
Technology
 plays a vital role in the 21st century, which led to a series of revolutions and numerous big changes in human society. It is said that
people
 in the 21st century will have much more leisure
time
 than before. I will delve to explain with sufficient details
according to
 my own experience and
also
providing
Wrong verb form
provide
show examples
 specific examples
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
 statement in the following passage.
Firstly
, as well known,
Technology
 is the symbol of advance produce.
For example
, machines can replace many jobs that
people
 did by hand in the 20th century.
Besides
, the advanced information communication
technology
 can contribute to
people
’s remote cooperation work and conferences quickly. And it helps to decrease
time consuming
Add a hyphen
time-consuming
show examples
comparing
Change the form of the verb
compared
show examples
 to the past when
people
 spent most of the
time
 on the journey to the meeting,
for instance
. What’s more, recently, AI has become an efficient tool regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
what is considered to be a repeatable process by human beings,
such
 as the challenges of
human’s
Change noun form
human
show examples
 brain power to solve
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 great amount of arbitrary information. With the assistance of AI,
people
 now can select the key proportion of work and leave the surplus for AI, which will significantly release
people
 from
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 heavy and duplicatable daily routines.
Overall
, I
Add a missing verb
am concern
show examples
concern
Replace the word
concerned
show examples
 that
Technology
 will provide much more free
time
 in the future, like
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
last
 two industry revolutions.
People
’s prediction for it is true and forward-looking, and I hold a positive attitude.
Nevertheless
,
Technology
 may produce some new breakthroughs, like finding a new material or building a new system, which all will change the current environment.
Submitted by kongsifanscnu on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction lacks a clear thesis statement. It is important to clearly state the main idea of the essay to guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
The main points are not well supported with sufficient details and examples. Make sure to provide specific examples and evidence to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally coherent. However, the conclusion is abrupt and does not provide a summary of the main points. Make sure to include a concluding paragraph that summarizes the main ideas of the essay.
task achievement
The response to the task is generally complete and addresses the prompt. However, it could be more focused and specific in discussing the extent to which the prediction has come true.
task achievement
The ideas presented in the essay are generally clear, but they could be further developed and expanded upon. Provide more specific details and examples to support your ideas.
lexical resource
Overall, the essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and uses appropriate terminology related to the topic of technology and free time.
grammatical range
There are some errors in grammar and sentence structure throughout the essay. Take some time to review sentence construction and ensure proper use of tenses and verb forms.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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