It is predicted that with the development of technology， people in the 21st century have much more free time. To what extend has the prediction come true? Give some reasons from your perspective and experience.
Technology
plays a vital role in the 21st century, which led to a series of revolutions and numerous big changes in human society. It is said that people
in the 21st century will have much more leisure time
than before. I will delve to explain with sufficient details according to
my own experience and also
providing
specific examples Wrong verb form
provide
to
Change preposition
of
this
statement in the following passage.
Firstly
, as well known, Technology
is the symbol of advance produce. For example
, machines can replace many jobs that people
did by hand in the 20th century. Besides
, the advanced information communication technology
can contribute to people
’s remote cooperation work and conferences quickly. And it helps to decrease time consuming
Add a hyphen
time-consuming
comparing
to the past when Change the form of the verb
compared
people
spent most of the time
on the journey to the meeting, for instance
.
What’s more, recently, AI has become an efficient tool regarding to
what is considered to be a repeatable process by human beings, Remove the preposition
apply
such
as the challenges of human’s
brain power to solve Change noun form
human
the
great amount of arbitrary information. With the assistance of AI, Correct article usage
a
people
now can select the key proportion of work and leave the surplus for AI, which will significantly release people
from the
heavy and duplicatable daily routines.
Change the word
their
Overall
, I Add a missing verb
am concern
concern
that Replace the word
concerned
Technology
will provide much more free time
in the future, like the
Change preposition
in the
last
two industry revolutions. People
’s prediction for it is true and forward-looking, and I hold a positive attitude. Nevertheless
, Technology
may produce some new breakthroughs, like finding a new material or building a new system, which all will change the current environment.Submitted by kongsifanscnu on
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coherence cohesion
The introduction lacks a clear thesis statement. It is important to clearly state the main idea of the essay to guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
The main points are not well supported with sufficient details and examples. Make sure to provide specific examples and evidence to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally coherent. However, the conclusion is abrupt and does not provide a summary of the main points. Make sure to include a concluding paragraph that summarizes the main ideas of the essay.
task achievement
The response to the task is generally complete and addresses the prompt. However, it could be more focused and specific in discussing the extent to which the prediction has come true.
task achievement
The ideas presented in the essay are generally clear, but they could be further developed and expanded upon. Provide more specific details and examples to support your ideas.
lexical resource
Overall, the essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and uses appropriate terminology related to the topic of technology and free time.
grammatical range
There are some errors in grammar and sentence structure throughout the essay. Take some time to review sentence construction and ensure proper use of tenses and verb forms.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.