Some poeple say it is important to keep your home and your workplace tidy, with everything organised and in the correct place. What is your opinion about this?

#poeple #home #workplace #place

The

given

Verb problem

apply

show examples

bar charts give information on the fraction of people purchasing various types of

music

for different ages and gender groups.

Overall

, the percentage of males purchasing

music

is larger than that of females in all genres,

while

pop and rock

music

share the same pattern of

their

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

popularity with age. Considering the popularity of

music

by age, Rock and Pop closely resemble each other with those of ages 16-24 making up about 30%, 25-34 standing at a slightly greater value than 30%,

people

Correct word choice

and people

show examples

of age between 35 and 44

totaling

Change the spelling

totalling

show examples

a number close to 25% and the oldest group contributing to less than 10 % in both musical genres. The Classical

Music

differs significantly from the previous two with most listeners between ages 25-34 and those older than 45 constituting about 15% and 20% respectively. As for the gender composition of the listeners,

Correct article usage

the males

show examples

males

Fix the agreement mistake

male

show examples

fraction prevails in all groups with a difference of around 10% for Rock and Pop and about 2% for classical

music

when compared to the proportion of women.

Also

, the total fraction of listeners to classical

music

is much smaller when compared to two other genres, making up about 15%,

while

the other two stand at about 45% each.

Submitted by dulskywork on Sun Oct 29 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response

Overall, the essay addresses the task and presents clear ideas. However, there is room for improvement in terms of providing a more comprehensive response.

coherence cohesion

The essay demonstrates a good organization of ideas with a clear logical structure. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more developed.

lexical resource

The essay shows a strong command of vocabulary and effectively uses appropriate terms to describe the charts. It would benefit from the incorporation of more varied vocabulary.

grammatical range

The essay showcases a strong grasp of grammar with minimal errors. However, there is room for improvement in terms of sentence complexity and variety.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

3Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

205 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

Topic Vocabulary:

tidy
organised
correct place
sense of order
calmness
promote
enhance
productivity
efficiency
accidents
safety
locate
clutter-free
stress
mental well-being
professionalism
impression
cleaning
organizing
dust
dirt

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7
band
Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
To begin, smartphones are utilized for long periods of daily life by most children. I think that it has some merits or demerits related to this then it's positive part is learning expectations and the negative part is health issues which I will discuss some bullet points in detail in the upcoming paragraphs.
7.5
band
You have just spent a weekend at a friend's house. When you returned home, you discovered that you had left a coat there. There are some important belongings in the pockets. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter explain that you have left the coat there say what the coat looks like, where you think you left it and what was in the pockets make some suggestions about how to get all of your belongings back You should write at least 150 words. You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows: Dear Pat,
I hope this email finds you in radiant health and you are doing well. I am writing this email to inform you about a coat that I left at your house last week.
7.5
band
in many countries, the level of crime is increasing. why do you think is and what can be done about it?
Nowadays, the incidence of crimes in societies is growing rapidly. This essay will mention the main reasons behind these phenomena including unemployment and poverty. It will also suggest some solutions to tackle these problems including raising the standard of living.
6
band
Some parents give their children everything that their children ask for and accept what their children want to do. Is this good for children? What could be the consequences for these children when they grow up?
With the low birth rate, fewer and fewer children that a family bred for. In this case, most parents would approve everything that the juveniles ask for. However, it is not proper for children and some problems come from this circumstance.
6.5
band
Do you agree or disagree the following statement? Technology has made children less creative than they were in the past Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
The progress of technology is, without doubt, unavoidable nowadays. Thanks to it, life has been made easier. However, some people argue technology has eroded the creativity of the children. Others, including myself believe that is wrong.

Some poeple say it is important to keep your home and your workplace tidy, with everything organised and in the correct place. What is your opinion about this?

Fully explain your ideas

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

in many countries, the level of crime is increasing. why do you think is and what can be done about it?

Some parents give their children everything that their children ask for and accept what their children want to do. Is this good for children? What could be the consequences for these children when they grow up?

Do you agree or disagree the following statement? Technology has made children less creative than they were in the past Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.