IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some poeple say it is important to keep your home and your workplace tidy, with everything organised and in the correct place. What is your opinion about this?

#poeple #home #workplace #place
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The
given
Verb problem
apply
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bar charts give information on the fraction of people purchasing various types of
music
Use synonyms
 for different ages and gender groups.
Overall
Linking Words
, the percentage of males purchasing
music
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 is larger than that of females in all genres,
while
Linking Words
 pop and rock
music
Use synonyms
 share the same pattern of
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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popularity with age. Considering the popularity of
music
Use synonyms
 by age, Rock and Pop closely resemble each other with those of ages 16-24 making up about 30%, 25-34 standing at a slightly greater value than 30%,
people
Correct word choice
and people
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 of age between 35 and 44
totaling
Change the spelling
totalling
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 a number close to 25% and the oldest group contributing to less than 10 % in both musical genres. The Classical
Music
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 differs significantly from the previous two with most listeners between ages 25-34 and those older than 45 constituting about 15% and 20% respectively. As for the gender composition of the listeners,
Correct article usage
the males
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males
Fix the agreement mistake
male
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 fraction prevails in all groups with a difference of around 10% for Rock and Pop and about 2% for classical
music
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 when compared to the proportion of women.
Also
Linking Words
, the total fraction of listeners to classical
music
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 is much smaller when compared to two other genres, making up about 15%,
while
Linking Words
 the other two stand at about 45% each.
Submitted by dulskywork on

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task response
Overall, the essay addresses the task and presents clear ideas. However, there is room for improvement in terms of providing a more comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a good organization of ideas with a clear logical structure. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more developed.
lexical resource
The essay shows a strong command of vocabulary and effectively uses appropriate terms to describe the charts. It would benefit from the incorporation of more varied vocabulary.
grammatical range
The essay showcases a strong grasp of grammar with minimal errors. However, there is room for improvement in terms of sentence complexity and variety.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • tidy
  • organised
  • correct place
  • sense of order
  • calmness
  • promote
  • enhance
  • productivity
  • efficiency
  • accidents
  • safety
  • locate
  • clutter-free
  • stress
  • mental well-being
  • professionalism
  • impression
  • cleaning
  • organizing
  • dust
  • dirt
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