IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The graph below shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The graph below shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#minutes #books #men #women #burnaby #library #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The line chart shows the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
books
 read by males and females at a Public Library in Burnaby from 2011 to 2014.
Overall
,it is evident from the graph that there was a rapid increase in the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
books
 read by both genders over the years.
To begin
 with,In 2011,The proportion of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women was at 5,000 hitting the top of the chart.
Then
,it rose rapidly to 10,000 by 2013 before witnessing a dramatic fall to 7,000
and
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 was the least in that year.
However
,The figures
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 men increased slightly to 4,000 by 2012 and it skyrocketed to 10,000 in 2013.
Although
,there was an intersection in 2013 of both figures at 10,000
books
.
However
, the percentage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women
superceded
Correct your spelling
superseded
 that of the males and increased steadily to 14,000 being at the peak of the chart
at the end
 of the period with a huge difference of 7,000
books
 when compared to the amount of
books
 read by the males.
Submitted by bumzyakins on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words books with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "rapid" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: