IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

in a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend sums of money on the construction of new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. other believe that money should be spent on improving existing public transport

#countries #people #sums #money #construction #railway #lines #trains #cities #transport
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is an increasing amount of debate among individuals, about whether it is best to invest money in erecting new railway lines for rapid trains which can travel among cities, or it is better to put that money into renovating the present public transport. I believe these two points of view have pros and cons, but building new railways is of higher necessity, and can be more beneficial. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I’m going to discuss both aspects deeply.
Firstly
Linking Words
, I should mention the fact that improving the existing public transport is vital, because citizens from all around the city, use it every day, and their commute depends on it.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, these obsolete trains, buses or taxis have so many disadvantages.
For instance
Linking Words
, old buses and cars cause air pollution which can be highly harmful to people’s lives. Needless to say, in some cosmopolitan towns, like mine, the government has to close all the schools, universities, organizations and companies for a few days every year, to reduce the harmful situation of air, and prevent citizens especially the elderly, from
become
Change the form of the verb
becoming
show examples
 sick.
However
Linking Words
, developing new fast trains can lead to tourism growth, and facilitate travelling between towns.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it is so appealing for people who
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
families or friends
live
Correct pronoun usage
who live
show examples
 in another area
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they can easily transfer and commute. All in all, both ways are full of plus sides, but when compared, we have to decide which one is more necessary for the notion. In my opinion,
although
Linking Words
 providing better transportation for citizens is of great value, renovating the present basis is more important because it is related to people’s daily lives.
Submitted by mehrasa.elahian on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Provide a more balanced perspective by addressing counterarguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and organized structure throughout the essay.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use more varied and precise language.
grammatical range
Work on sentence structure and eliminate grammatical errors.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: