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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that success is the best measure for intelligence, while others think that intelligence can be measured in other ways. What is your opinion?

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Some
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
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 believe that success is the best measure
for
Change preposition
of
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 intelligence,
while
Linking Words
 others are assured that it can be seen in other ways. From my point of view, the best knowledge is shown through different
kind
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kinds
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 of acts.Because it is simpler to reassure everyone using
complicating
Replace the word
complicated
 words, but not knowing how correct
are their statements
Correct word order
their statements are
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. But in the end,
most
Correct article usage
the most
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altern
Correct your spelling
alternative
way
Use synonyms
 to prove it is by facing different
kind
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kinds
show examples
 of challenges.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is
way
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more easy
Replace the word
easier
 to speak up with a manuscript in
frond
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front
 of you and
letting
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let
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 everyone
praising
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praise
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 you for your capabilities.
However
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, in
reality
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reality,
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 they
barely can
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can barely
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 afford to make up two words in a sentence, needing help from
stuff
Use the right word
staff
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 members.
For instance
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, my friend from
collage
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college
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 used to copy
teachers speech’s
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teachers’ speeches
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, after that paraphrasing it and letting everyone praise him for
such
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 an amazing
work
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 that he had done, meanwhile he
barely could
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could barely
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 write a speech.
This
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proving
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proves
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 that in many cases you can fake your intelligence and your own abilities .
Secondly
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, the most practical
way
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 to prove your knowledge is through the
work
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 or studies that you have done. With
tones
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tons
show examples
 of hard
work
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 and dedication, a person can achieve great results and successful outcomes without the fear of losing it all,
due to
Linking Words
 their dishonesty.
For instance
Linking Words
, I used to have a friend
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 would stay up late studying, staying in libraries twenty- for- seven dedicating
him self
Correct your spelling
himself
 to his passion and beliefs. And in the end, with his dedication
in
Change preposition
to
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 his
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work
Add a comma
work,
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 he achieved amazing results, now controlling his own company that he
build
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built
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 from the very start and
reassign
Wrong verb form
repositioned
show examples
 it to the top. In conclusion, I can remark that in many cases the best
way
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 to prove
your self
Correct your spelling
yourself
 and what you are capable of , is the best method of getting praised for your own accomplishments.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly if you think success is the best test of intelligence, or if intelligence should be seen in many ways.
task response
Make your main idea more clear in each body part. The first body part talks about fake speaking, but the link to intelligence is not always clear.
task response
Use examples that fit the point in a more exact way. Your examples are helpful, but explain more clearly how they show real intelligence.
coherence and cohesion
Put ideas in a simpler order: main idea first, then reason, then example. This will help the reader follow your text more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear linking words between ideas, such as First, Also, In contrast, and As a result.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence connection inside each part. Some lines are hard to follow because the meaning changes too fast.
coherence and cohesion
You give a clear intro, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You use personal examples, and this helps support your ideas.
task response
Your view is present through most of the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • measure
  • intelligence
  • success
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving
  • adaptability
  • emotional intelligence
  • creativity
  • practical skills
  • standardized testing
  • academic performance
  • capabilities
  • potential
  • privilege
  • correlate
  • hard work
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