IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people spend most of their lives living close to where they were born. What might be the reasons for this? What are the advantages and disadvantages?

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A part of people decided to stay in
their's
Change noun form
their
show examples
 birthplace. It might have either
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
 or good effect on them, or both. They might feel more relieved and connected with the place where they have spent
many
Replace the quantifier
much
show examples
 time with. The hometown has many things that they
related
Wrong verb form
relate
show examples
 to,
such
Linking Words
 as
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 family,
relative
Fix the agreement mistake
relatives
show examples
, community, and many more. Eventually, it made them come up with the idea
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 staying
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their hometown. The main advantage is that they obviously have a deep-rooted and family
traditional
Replace the word
tradition
show examples
. They are tight-knit with each other.
For example
Linking Words
, in northern Vietnam, many craft villages, which passed down
Use synonyms
thier tradional
Correct your spelling
their traditional
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 from
generations
Fix the agreement mistake
generation
show examples
. The
oder genenation
Correct your spelling
older generation
,
such
Linking Words
 as parents to
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 child and so on. They are not leaving the place but
otherwise
Linking Words
 choosing to
continute
Correct your spelling
continue
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 tradition. Regarding them, the successive
develope
Correct your spelling
development
 of
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
ancestor
Fix the agreement mistake
ancestors
show examples
 wishes is more
importance
Replace the word
important
show examples
 than
every thing
Correct your spelling
everything
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, they might lose
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sight of the rapid changing of society. Because they don't explore new horizons. They only spend time with their family and common
comunity
Correct your spelling
community
. It can lead to the out of touch when they encounter new environments
as well as
Linking Words
 feeling anxiety and depression. Smaller towns or
region
Fix the agreement mistake
regions
show examples
 may have limited career opportunities, particularly in
apecialized
Correct your spelling
specialized
specialised
 fields, which we cannot reach in small
hometowwn
Correct your spelling
hometown
.
This
Linking Words
 can be a large drawback for those seeking
professiomal
Correct your spelling
professional
 growth. In conclusion, whether living in your home town or leaving them, it
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advantages and disadvantages
depend
Wrong verb form
depending
show examples
 on that
individuale's
Correct your spelling
individual's
 choice. Because it's a personal choice influenced by various factors
so
Rephrase
apply
show examples
there is no
existance
Correct your spelling
existence
 of the right path.

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task response
The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of staying in one's birthplace, but the discussion lacks depth and specific examples. It would be beneficial to provide more detailed explanations and support the main points with relevant examples.
coherence and cohesion
There is an attempt at organizing the essay into paragraphs, but the logical structure could be improved. The introduction is weak and lacks a clear thesis statement, and the conclusion is abrupt and does not summarize the main points. It would be helpful to have a well-structured introduction and a concluding paragraph that succinctly reinforces the main ideas discussed.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary, but there are instances of word repetition and inconsistency in verb tense. It would be beneficial to use a wider variety of vocabulary and maintain consistency in verb tense throughout the essay.
grammatical range
The essay shows a good command of grammatical structures, but there are frequent errors in subject-verb agreement and sentence structure. It would be helpful to review and practice grammar to improve accuracy in these areas.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Familiarity
  • Comfort
  • Social ties
  • Family ties
  • Belonging
  • Resources
  • Opportunities
  • Fear
  • Unknown
  • Financial constraints
  • Cultural attachment
  • Language barriers
  • Limited education
  • Skills
What to do next:
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