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Writing Samples
Band 8.5

Parents should encourage their children to spend less time on studying and more time on physical activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is sometimes argued that parents should convince their kids to take the time to do physical activities rather than study. Personally, I completely agree with the statement for several reasons which will be given out in
this
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 essay. First and foremost, it can be said with certainty that regular physical exercises are essential for maintaining both mental and physical condition. By
this
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, I mean that doing these could lead to better sleep patterns, promoting deeper and restful sleep, and positively impacting mental strength.
Furthermore
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, engaging in physical activities promotes
overall
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 physical well-being, as offspring participate in sports and exercises, thereby reducing the risk of obesity and related health issues.
For instance
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, in Asia, where kids spend most of their time studying, developing the risk of health problems, often resulting in sleep deprivation and stress.
Therefore
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, it is essential for parents to support their children in balancing between studying and staying healthy.
Secondly
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, a special consideration is that joining a team sport would allow kids to develop important social skills. The main basis is probably because a team sport would offer increased opportunities to meet new people, creating environments for children to communicate, cooperate and engage in teamwork. To illustrate
this
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, consider the case of badminton, there are two individuals in one team, highlighting the significance of cooperation and teamwork in securing the top prize.
Therefore
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, the advantages of doing physical activities far outweigh those of studying. In conclusion, I strongly believe parents should encourage children to be aware of spending more time exercising
due to
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 the benefits of fitness and social skills.

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example diversity
While your essay demonstrates a high level of proficiency, always ensure that your examples are diverse and not only region-specific. Broadening your examples can make your arguments more universally applicable and engaging.
Use of evidence
To further enrich your essay, consider integrating direct quotes from reputable sources, or citing specific studies or statistics. This can enhance the credibility of your argument and exhibit a wider range of knowledge.
Vocabulary Enhancement
Experimenting with a slightly wider range of vocabulary related to the topic can add depth to your essay. While your current use is already impressive, varying your language more could make your writing even more captivating.
Structure
Your essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs with supporting details, and a strong conclusion, making it easy to follow and understand.
Task Achievement
You did a great job of directly addressing the essay question and sticking closely to the topic throughout your response, reflecting a high degree of task achievement.
Effective Examples
Your use of specific examples, like the reference to Asia and the sport of badminton, effectively illustrates your points, making your argument more persuasive.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical activity
  • Development
  • Concentration
  • Obesity
  • Burnout
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Healthy lifestyle
  • Intellectual development
  • Structured activities
  • Teamwork
  • Leadership
  • Sedentary behavior
  • Tech addiction
  • Role models
  • Family bonds
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