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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people say that increasing business and cultural contacts between countries is a positive development, while others think that many countries will lose their national identities as a result. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #business #contacts #countries #development #identities
The
world
 today is characterized by the free flow of information and
commodity
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commodities
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. The frequent interaction and growing interdependence among countries have ended the days of regional isolation and absolute national sovereignty, but they have
also
 sparked
off
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apply
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heated controversies over the positive and negative impacts that a global
culture
 can bring into our
life
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lives
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. Some
people
 say that the widening international exchanges, both in the field of business and
culture
, have exerted positive influences
to
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on
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 a nation
as well as
 its
people
.
To begin
 with, they promote business cooperation among nations.
For example
, large multinational companies spread the latest technologies and experience around the
world
, and international trade has helped
so
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apply
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many
less developed
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less-developed
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 economies grow.
Also
, they enrich
people
’s lives because
people
 of one nation are given opportunities through international tourism,
exhibition
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exhibitions
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 and fairs, TV programmes and films, etc. to enjoy the achievements of other cultures across the globe.
However
, other
people
 argue that these conditions
also
 create the possible danger of undermining a country’s national identity. In the first place, traditional cultures might fall victim
a
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to a
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global media and entertainment force.
This
 is
the
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apply
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most evident in some parts of the
world
 where “Americanisation” is threatening the preservation of their indigenous
culture
. In
Viet Nam
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Vietnam
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,
for instance
, few youngsters like or understand “Hue Court Music”, the quintessence of Vietnamese
culture
; they go for Hollywood movies and rock music
instead
.
Moreover
, in the process of globalization, the
world
 is getting less linguistically diverse, as a growing number of
people
 give up their native language for the dominant language in the
world
 – English. From my point of view, both arguments are the true reflections of the possible
consequence
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consequences
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 of
an
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increasing economic and cultural interaction among nations. It boosts economic integration and speeds up modernization but
also
 creates tensions between global
culture
 and a country’s national identity.
Therefore
, we should take the initiative in fighting to protect our distinct
culture
 and identity from being submerged by other cultural or economic influences.
Submitted by ieltsamiedu on

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coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is weak. The ideas are not presented in a clear and organized manner. You should work on organizing your ideas and presenting them in a logical order.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are not well-developed. The introduction should provide a clear overview of the main points and the conclusion should summarize the main ideas and provide a final thought. You should work on improving the introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
The essay lacks specific examples to support the main points. You should provide more specific and relevant examples to back up your arguments.
task achievement
The essay provides clear and comprehensive ideas throughout. You have addressed the prompt and presented a balanced view of the positive and negative impacts of increasing business and cultural contacts between countries.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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