IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The best way for a country to prepare for the future is to invest resources in its young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#country #future #resources #people
In the rapidly increasing society, a nation needs intellectual strength from the young generation not to be lagged behind.
Therefore
, it is thought that the national government should invest in their young residents to have a better future. From my viewpoint, I agree investing in youth is a possible solution but they should raise awareness of youngsters about their responsibility as well. First of all, providing valuable resources to advance personal growth can bring about numerous benefits. The first thing is that the young generation can have more opportunities to experience and broaden their horizons.
In addition
, they have physical strength and high adaptability, which can be practical in adaptation
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a new environment.
Moreover
,
having
Wrong verb form
they have
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 incredible enthusiasm and passionate youth so they can dare
encounter
Fix the infinitive
to encounter
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 challenges and are willing to take risks. Those positive personalities
not
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are not
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 only for individuals but
also
as
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for
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
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community gain. To illustrate, in Vietnam, the national authority has implemented strong policies for education development. They
also
 have paved the way
to
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for
show examples
 education abroad
by
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through
show examples
 educational competitions and campaigns.
On the other hand
,
this
 investment can have
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
unexpected drawbacks. Since youngsters have limited life experiences, sometimes they are prone to be tempted by their own
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
 and
then
 may neglect their responsibility.
This
 phenomenon can lead to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 brain drain problem, which can have adverse effects on the
developments
Fix the agreement mistake
development
show examples
 of
this
 country. That not only causes damage to national budgets but
also
 its future generations. In conclusion, I believe that preparing for the future of the nation by investing in youngsters is an efficient idea.
Nevertheless
, the government should educate and enhance awareness of the young generation so as not to waste national intellectual property.
Submitted by thuhuyen16992qn on

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task response
Make sure to address all parts of the question and clearly state your stance. In this essay, you agreed with the statement, but it could have been made more explicit.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear organization and follows a logical structure. However, try to provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
lexical resource
Your vocabulary is adequate and you use a range of vocabulary effectively. However, try to use more academic and formal vocabulary to enhance the quality of your writing.
grammatical range
Overall, your grammar is good. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure consistent use of verb tenses.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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