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Band 5.5

Some people think that the increase in international travel has a negative impact on the environment and should be restricted. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #travel #impact #environment
Climate experts say that travelling worldwide has negative effects on our ecosystem and
therefore
 should be
restrictions
Replace the word
restricted
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. Whether it is widely known that travelling by
airplane
Change the spelling
aeroplane
show examples
 has bad effects on our environment and climate change, it can
also
 be beneficial to the individual to explore several countries and cultures on earth. On the one hand, there are plenty of environmental studies that reveal the negative effects that travelling by
airplane
Change the spelling
aeroplane
show examples
 can have
for
Change preposition
on
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 the climate on planet
earth
Capitalize word
Earth
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 and altogether it is apparent that
airplanes
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aeroplanes
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 have the biggest
CO2-emissions
Correct your spelling
CO2 emissions
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 of all transportation vehicles that exist and it is certain that travelling with an aircraft is an environmental sin,
hence
 some restrictions could be beneficial for our environment.
However
, people
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
 every age really enjoy exploring various cultures and travelling internationally. It is scientifically proven that travel improves being open-minded, on the one hand,
has
Correct word choice
and has
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 uncountable merits for individuals
on the other hand
.
In addition
,
although
 plenty of facts regarding cultures and diverse nations nowadays can be looked up on the internet, it is not even close
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 same as being in a foreign country and exploring it by yourself, trying new local food and experiencing different regions of the world.
Hence
, travel restrictions could take away a big part of some sort of education or even self-development from travellers. In conclusion, it is significant that worldwide travelling has negative impacts on our environment, but restricting travel would have uncountable demerits for individuals that cannot be replaced equally in any other way,
for example
 by lectures or images.
Submitted by manurishinanda on

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Task Response
Provide a clear opinion on whether you agree or disagree with the given statement. This will help the reader understand the stance you are taking in the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to improve the coherence of your essay. This will help the reader follow your ideas and arguments more easily.
Lexical Resource
Expand your range of vocabulary by using a wider variety of words and expressions. This will make your essay more engaging and demonstrate your language proficiency.
Grammatical Range
Pay more attention to sentence structure and grammar. Some sentences in your essay are unclear or contain errors, which can affect the reader's understanding of your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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