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Band 5

Many cars nowadays are driven by computers, not people. Do you think the advantages of autonomous cars outweigh the disadvantages?

#cars #computers #people
Today there is a large amount of
automobile
Fix the agreement mistake
automobiles
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 controlled by computers, not drivers. In my opinion, automated
cars
 have several benefits which help us to travel easier and safer. Admittedly, there are many advantages
from
Change preposition
to
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driverless
cars
.
Firstly
, the automated
cars
 are designed to be free of human errors which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 safer
to
Change preposition
for
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 the user. To illustrate, the software of the automated
car
 is programmed to prevent accidents that may caused by human
erros
Correct your spelling
error
errors
such
 as sleeping
while
 driving and sudden
brake
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braking
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.
Secondly
, it saves time,
while
 the
car
 is driving by itself the user can spend the time
in
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apply
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stuyding
Correct your spelling
studying
 or even preparing before arriving
to
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at
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 work.
On the other hand
, using
driverless
cars
 nowadays can be expensive. The amount of
techonlogy
Correct your spelling
technology
 these automated
car
Change the determiner
cars
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 have makes
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 expensive and not everyone can purchase
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
Therefore
, owning the
driverless
 in these days can be a challenge.
For example
, Tesla
company have
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 several
car
 models
that is
 automated, the cheapest model of Tesla
cars
 is compared with sport
cars
 that considered high price type of
cars
.
However
, it is predicted that in the near
future
Add a comma
future,
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 the price will drop. In the end, owning
automated
Add an article
an automated
show examples
car
 can
safe
Replace the word
save
show examples
 the user time.
Additionally
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
driverless
cars
 are safer than regular
cars
due to
 preventing human errors.
However
, the price is a challenge for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people who want to buy
the
Correct article usage
apply
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cars
that
is
Change the verb form
are
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 driven by computers. I believe that automated
cars
 have a bright future and governments will start
invest
Wrong verb form
investing
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 building street lines for it.
Submitted by ibrakh80 on

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Task Response
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that there is a logical progression of ideas throughout the essay.
Lexical Resource
Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary to enhance the overall quality of your essay.
Grammatical Range
Pay attention to your sentence structures and strive for more varied and complex sentences.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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