The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feature and make comparisons where relevant.

#proportion #population #three #countries #summarise #information #feature #comparisons

The chart illustrates the proportion of the

inhabitants

Change to a genitive case

inhabitant's

inhabitants'

show examples

senior citizens in a hundred years in three various countries.

Overall

, the USA and Sweden increasingly rose

while

Japan

decreased over the period given .At the start of the period USA

grow

Wrong verb form

grew

show examples

steadily in 1940 and reached up to 15% in the

year

Fix the agreement mistake

years

show examples

1980-1990.

Then

USA maintained a constant low

indicates

Verb problem

apply

show examples

in the year 2020 . It is hoped to be doubled and reach nearly 25% in 2040 . In

Sweden

Add a comma

Sweden,

show examples

the percentage of aged people grew from about 7% in 2040 to 15% in 2000,

Correct pronoun usage

which is

show examples

heavily towards 25% in 2040

while

Japan

Change preposition

in Japan

show examples

from 1960 to 2030 it remained below 5 percent . A glance at the graph makes it clear that

Japan

will have

Correct word choice

a higher

show examples

percentage of the aged population in the future despite its

less

Correct word choice

lower

show examples

percentage of

this

population in the early 40s . The line graph clearly

opens

Verb problem

shows

show examples

that all of the three countries will increase in 2040 and

Japan

will take the first place.

Submitted by aiaulymqasymzhanqyzy on Mon Oct 30 2023

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words japan with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.

▼

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

168 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feature and make comparisons where relevant.

Some people think that the government should provide free housing, while others think that it is not the government’s responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

Interviews form the basic selecting criteria for most large companies. However, some people think that interview is not a reliable method of choosing whom to employ and there are other better methods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people spend most of their lives living close to where they were born. What might be the reasons for this? What are the advantages and disadvantages?

4.Some people think that social networking sites have a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree？