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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that people live in high-rise apartments are unhappy and lonely. Some think otherwise. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #apartments #think
These
days
 lots of
apartment
 are built to save space and usually younger
people
seems
Change the verb form
seem
show examples
 to prefer living in an
apartment
 rather than
land
Add an article
a land
the land
show examples
 house. It is
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 debate on
people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 reside in high-rise
apartment
Fix the agreement mistake
apartments
show examples
 have an unhappy and lonely life
while
 others think in opposite. High-rise
condominium
Fix the agreement mistake
condominiums
show examples
 are mostly built in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 city centre where spaces available are limited and these
days
 it seems normal to live in a
condominium
.
However
, there is an argument that
said
Verb problem
apply
show examples
people
 in
condominium
Fix the agreement mistake
condominiums
show examples
 might be unhappy and lonely.
This
 might
because
Add a missing verb
be because
show examples
people
 in
condominium
Add an article
a condominium
show examples
 seems to ignore each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
 and go through their lives with no socializing. Especially, these
days
people
 are more
focus
Replace the word
focused
show examples
 on chasing their careers rather than spending time with
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
people
.
Therefore
,
people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 live in high building might be lonely as there are no
emotionally
Change the word
emotional
show examples
 support from their community. I agree with
this
 statement as most of the
apartment
 residents
do
Verb problem
are
show examples
 not even aware of who are their neighbours. Several
People
 found that living in a
condominium
 might not have an
affect
Replace the word
effect
show examples
 on their social lives.
As
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
Mostly, single
people
 or small families select
condominium
Fix the agreement mistake
condominiums
show examples
 as their house
due to
convenient
Replace the word
convenience
show examples
 and they might not need a
lot
Add the preposition
lot of
show examples
spaces
Fix the agreement mistake
space
show examples
.
Moreover
, these
days
 most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
apartment
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
 have a lounge where residents might have a small gathering or minggle
there
Rephrase
apply
show examples
.
Thus
,
this
 will reduce their loneliness.
However
,
this
 is not
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
entirely a solution because not all
people
 are comfortable
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
hanging out in lounge
chair
Fix the agreement mistake
chairs
show examples
.
Therefore
, it might cause some
people
 to
have
Verb problem
feel
show examples
loneliness
Replace the word
lonely
show examples
. In conclusion,
People
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
living
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 in a high building most likely to feel lonely
due to
 the
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task response
Ensure that all parts of the prompt are addressed in the essay and provide a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
Organize the essay with clear topic sentences and use appropriate linking words to connect ideas.
lexical resource
Vary your vocabulary by using synonyms and more advanced words.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structures and grammar to improve accuracy.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • high-rise apartments
  • unhappy
  • lonely
  • lack of community
  • social interaction
  • noise pollution
  • privacy
  • isolation
  • detachment
  • modern amenities
  • convenience
  • opportunity
  • socializing
  • building a community
  • sense of security
  • safety
  • personal preferences
  • lifestyle
  • apartment complex
  • social activities
  • facilities
  • supportive neighborhood
  • community
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