IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary prodducts should be made more expensive to encourage prople to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #prodducts #prople
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In recent years,
the
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apply
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increasing
health
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 awareness has led to a discussion of whether
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government
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the government
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 should impose on increasing
the
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a
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 tax on sugary
products
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 for a healthier society.
While
Linking Words
 some believe that it depends on the choices of individuals, I personally contend that the
government
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 should
primary
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primarily
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 focus on educating and promoting
information
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 regarding healthy food. In lieu of strict prohibitions without adequate explanation,
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government
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the government
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 should
enpower
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empower
 the public to make informed decisions. It is true that eating
high
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high-sugar
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sugar
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products
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 could potentially result in detrimental consequences
in
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for
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 our
health
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.
High-
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High sugar
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sugar
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 consumption is undoubtedly one of the primary causes of obesity, which may
led
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lead
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 to high cholesterol and increase the risk of suffering from cardiovascular diseases. Some people suggest
government
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to
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apply
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take action on
this
Linking Words
 issue by increasing taxes on high-
sugar
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products
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 or
restrict
Wrong verb form
restricting
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sugar
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level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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 in
baverages
Correct your spelling
beverages
 and pastries.
However
Linking Words
, the results of
this
Linking Words
 action
is
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are
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 expected to be limited.
While
Linking Words
 it seems like a direct method to reduce
sugar
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 consumption level, it may burden small businesses, as the
flavor
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flavour
show examples
 of food might alter, making them less appealing
for
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to
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 consumers.
On the other hand
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, I am inclined with the proponents who think
public
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the public
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 should decide their own dietary choices. I believe that the primary responsibility of the
government
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 is to educate people by providing accurate
information
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 about healthy food.
Firstly
Linking Words
, they can demonstrate the adverse effect of high-
sugar
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products
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 on people’s
health
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 by presenting research data or
recommanding
Correct your spelling
recommending
 daily consumption limits.
Additionally
Linking Words
, they can enhance transparency by
labeling
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labelling
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products
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 with clear
sugar
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 content
information
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 and detailed
discriptions
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descriptions
, and
utimately
Correct your spelling
ultimately
, leave the decision to
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 restrictions imposed by governments
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 undeniably a possible direct solution, I believe that their main aim should shift toward educating the public with accurate
information
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 to enhance public
health
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.
Submitted by jessieiniar1202 on

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task response
Provide more specific examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical structure throughout your essay.
lexical resource
Add more varied vocabulary and use synonyms to avoid repetition.
grammatical range
Check verb agreement and sentence structure to improve grammatical accuracy.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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