IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that to become a vegetarian is the only way to keep healthy. Do you agree or disagree.

#people
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It is undeniable that eating
vegetables
Use synonyms
 extremely benefits
people
Use synonyms
 in order to become healthier and stronger. Many
people
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 argue only if they are vegetarian, can they keep healthy.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that consuming
vegetables
Use synonyms
 alone has some drawbacks and there are plenty of ways for
people
Use synonyms
 to stay strong.
Firstly
Linking Words
, eating too
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
vegetables
Use synonyms
 without any balance in
diets
Fix the agreement mistake
diet
show examples
 can harm
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
. Some studies have shown that in
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
, where the rate of obesity is pretty high, many
people
Use synonyms
 have suffered malnutrition because of their
imbalance
Correct your spelling
imbalanced
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 diets, which contain only
vegetables
Use synonyms
. Specifically, their bodies cannot be provided
adequated
Replace the word
adequate
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neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
nutritions
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nutrition
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such
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 as protein, which includes mainly
in
Change preposition
apply
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meats.
Therefore
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, as a vindication, being a vegetarian without eating other essential nourishment is not the only method to keep in good shape.
Secondly
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, there
are
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is
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plethora
Add an article
a plethora
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 of
approach
Fix the agreement mistake
approaches
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 to
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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an
Remove the article
apply
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optimal health. The first way is doing exercise regularly. As an exemplification, some researchers have shown that
this
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 activity helps our bodies
reducing
Wrong verb form
reduce
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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fat and
improving
Wrong verb form
improve
show examples
 our strength.
Moreover
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, it ensures
them
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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have enough energy to deal with their daily tasks. The second way is reducing the harmful use of alcohol and managing the stress. To epitomize, many
people
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 reported to WHO that those
method
Change the determiner
methods
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 make
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 feel healthier and happier. Particularly, when
people
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 limit the amount of wine or beer consumed, they can avoid the harmful incidences related to obesity or high blood pressure.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, relieving stresses and strains
also
Linking Words
 assists communities
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 being in a better mood and controlling
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 weight. In consequence, there are more activities and habits
besides
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 those above that have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
similar advantages
as
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to
show examples
 eating
vegetables
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. In conclusion, when considering both vantage points, I believe the idea that only consuming
vegetables
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 can be adverse to our health and there are some other methods to keep
fits
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fit
show examples
.
People
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 should combine those to
creat
Correct your spelling
create
show examples
 the finest
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
 to stay healthy.
Submitted by dinhtrungkien285 on

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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
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task achievement
Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your ideas.
lexical resource
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grammatical range
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • transnational problems
  • climate change
  • ozone layer depletion
  • pollution
  • collaborative efforts
  • pooling of resources
  • expertise
  • technology
  • innovative solutions
  • international standards
  • race to the bottom
  • environmental standards
  • capacity
  • impacts
  • national sovereignty
  • independently
  • economic
  • social contexts
  • international consensus
  • legal
  • political systems
  • enforcement
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