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Band 3.5

Some people think that illegal Internet downloads are having a negative effect on the music industry. Others feel that have little or no impact on artists. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion

#people #internet #downloads #effect #music #industry #impact #artists
Nowadays, people can
download
 music or
movies
 without paying. But there is a question , is it a crime or not? In some
region
Fix the agreement mistake
regions
show examples
 downloading these contents is a crime but in some other countries, you can easily
download
 any content. For intense in our country, we can
download
 Hollywood films for free without paying for a Netflix or HBO account. We can even
download
 our own shows and not pay for Filimo or Namava.
First,
I want to say that downloading other countries'
movies
 should not be illegal for countries like
us
Correct pronoun usage
ours
show examples
. Because of the value of our money, it is not affordable for us to buy Netflix or Spotify accounts per month.
Second,
if I want to comment about downloading our own country's
movies
, it should be illegal but no one cares.
To sum up
, if our money was not that worthless we would not have to break the rules and
download
movies
 or music, but because of
this
, I think it is no problem to
download
 them.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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task response
Your essay does not fully address all aspects of the topic. You mainly focus on the affordability of streaming services rather than discussing both sides of the argument or providing a balanced evaluation.
coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear structure and coherence. It jumps between different ideas without sufficient transitions or logical progression. Consider organizing your paragraphs more effectively to enhance the overall flow of your essay.
lexical resource
Your use of vocabulary is limited, and there is a lack of variety in your word choice. Try to incorporate more diverse and precise vocabulary to enhance the quality of your writing.
grammatical range
There are several grammar errors throughout your essay. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and sentence structure. Proofread your work carefully to avoid these mistakes.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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